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In Shape Jokes

How did Jesus stay in shape?

Crossfit

How do ghosts keep in shape?

They exorcise regularly.

I started watching exercise videos to get in shape.

So far I've watched several dozen videos, but haven't lost any weight. I'd quit watching them, but I've lost the remote and I'd have to get off the couch to turn off the TV.

How does the Mona Lisa stay in shape.

Paint thinner.

"My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.

That would be a big step forward."

How do chess players stay in shape?

They lift rooks.

My friend told me to get in shape

I mean isn’t round a shape ?

Did you know that Vin Diesel only eats two meals a day to keep in shape for making movies?

Breakfast and breakfurious

I got some black and white tattoos done in shapes a few years ago, and anytime my wife gets upset she just lies on me and colours them in...

I guess sometimes, she just needs a shoulder to crayon.

Credit u/HugoZHackenbush2

What does Bigfoot do to keep his glutes in shape?

Sasquats

How does Thanos keep in shape?

With a balanced diet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

I wanted to get in shape so I thought I'd try a British gym...

I gained 5 kilos and lost 70 pounds

How do hair stylists get in shape?

Curling Iron.

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

My New Year’s resolution was to get in shape.

I chose round.

Haven't done any healthy activities during quarantine but still managed to stay in shape..

Unfortunately, the shape is potato.

In the 90s, most Europeans were tall, slender, relatively in shape. However, Brits were out of shape, their bodies blowing up, like a balloon. Scientists have now identified the reason behind this phenomena:

The Irish Republican Army

Six months ago, my wife asked me to get in shape.

Since then, I have been eating everything in sight. Today I am proud to say that I am a circle!

To get in shape I had a bike made out of taffy but I never rode it

It was a viscous cycle

How do comedians stay in shape?

They do set ups.

To get in shape, I need to pick up a sport as a hobby...

I was thinking about competitive eating.

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

I take pride in the fact that in this day and age, I manage to keep myself in shape...

... Round is a shape, isn't it?

My grandmother finds it important to stay in shape, so she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

My wife said I am going to cycle 10 miles every day to get my body back in shape, I said good girl go for it, I have noticed a massive difference after just 4 weeks.

She is 280 miles away.

My wife told me I should go to the gym with her to get in shape, but I suggested I just start with skipping.

So far I've skipped the gym three times this week and I feel great.

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