How do chess players stay in shape?

They lift rooks.

Why was Jesus so in shape?

He did CrossFit

My friend told me to get in shape

I mean isn’t round a shape ?

What does Bigfoot do to keep his glutes in shape?

Sasquats

I wanted to get in shape so I thought I'd try a British gym...

I gained 5 kilos and lost 70 pounds

Haven't done any healthy activities during quarantine but still managed to stay in shape..

Unfortunately, the shape is potato.

My wife said I am going to cycle 10 miles every day to get my body back in shape, I said good girl go for it, I have noticed a massive difference after just 4 weeks.

She is 280 miles away.

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

How does Thanos keep in shape?

With a balanced diet.

My New Year’s resolution was to get in shape.

I chose round.

To get in shape, I need to pick up a sport as a hobby...

I was thinking about competitive eating.

Six months ago, my wife asked me to get in shape.

Since then, I have been eating everything in sight. Today I am proud to say that I am a circle!

My grandmother finds it important to stay in shape, so she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

How do hair stylists get in shape?

Curling Iron.

I take pride in the fact that in this day and age, I manage to keep myself in shape...

... Round is a shape, isn't it?

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year.

He's doing confidence intervals.

My wife told me I should go to the gym with her to get in shape, but I suggested I just start with skipping.

So far I've skipped the gym three times this week and I feel great.

How do comedians stay in shape?

They do set ups.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Working for Her Majesty

Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.

They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.

She says to them "Because my footmen ...

A pea, a lemon, and a potato went to the bar

A pea, a lemon, and a potato all went out to the bar after work. They all had a couple of drinks and had a merry time. The potato, being made entirely of starch, didn't get drunk at all, let alone tipsy. The lemon, being citrus, didn't feel very good after the second drink. The pea, being very small...

A blonde is running around the house with a flashlight and a shoe box.

She puts the flashlight on the floor, sneaks in front of the light, puts the box on the floor, then quickly closes the box.

Husband comes home, only to find his giggly wife doing this over and over again: “Honey, what the heck are you doing?”

“She was right, this is fun! Cindy told me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fancy Chicago lawyer goes duck hunting in LA (Lower Alabama) (very long)

This lawyer had heard about the exceptional duck hunting in lower Alabama so he made plans to go one year. He left his hotel early and found a good spot by sun-up. He had the most expensive equipment money could buy.

He missed a few ducks, but then shot one. It flapped a couple times and lan...

Say what you will about Americans being fat and lazy...

but active shooters are always determined, dedicated, and in shape.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gym (at 40) - Try and read this without laughing out loud!

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

One tough workout

An older lady decided it was time to get her body in shape once and for all.

She joined an aerobics class for seniors, and spent a whole hour jumping, twisting, gyrating, and sweating.

Unfortunately, by the time she had gotten her leotard on straight, the class was over.

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world map nowadays looks like a human being

Asia is like the brain, all the smart things comes from there.

Middle East is like the stomach, all the churning and rumbling like all the wars happening right now

Europe is like the backbone, try to maintain world peace and keeping the world in shape.

And then there's America, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking a neighborhood walk one day, a man comes across another man in the middle of the street jumping up and down on a manhole cover

...and with each jump he calls out "21! 21! 21!" Repeatedly. Finally, after growing annoyed watching, the man on the sidewalk offers, "It's 22, you know. The next number...?" Manhole guy "21! 21! Yeah, I know. 21! 21!"

Sidewalk guy watches a little longer. "Why are you even doing that...?" Ma...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.