Fat Lady Jokes - 17 Hilarious Fat Lady Jokes

What do you a call a fat lady who can tell the temperature?

Yourmometer

What does Mr. T say when he sees a fat lady at a bar?

I pity the stool!

Incredibly Fat lady and her Super Fat husband complained at me for standing in line for all of 5 minutes.

"Sorry about the weight."

A fat lady walks into a bar.

She raise her arm showing off her hairy armpits and says “ Who wants to buy this nice lady a drink?” A drunk guy in the back says “I will, I’ll buy the ballerina a drink.”

This goes on a few more times. “ Who wants to buy this nice lady a drink?” “I will, I’ll buy the ballerina a drink.”
...

What do a pallet of bricks and a fat lady have in common?

Sooner or later they will both get laid by a Mexican...

A physicist flirts with a fat lady.

Physicist: Hey lady, you know why you're hot?

Fat lady: (surprised and shocked) I don't know, why?

Physicist: (whispers) Thermal Expansion!

Fat lady: *slaps*

A fat lady..

A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness."

Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time."

Fat lady: "At which particular time?"

Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man shows up to work with a black eye...

His co-worker Buddy asks him "Where'd you get that shiner from, Dan?"

Dan says "I got it at church this weekend"

Buddy: "How the hell do you manage to get a black eye at church?"

Dan: "Well I sitting behind this big fat lady and when we stood up to sing hymns I noticed her dress...

A guy goes to a strip club with his friends

As they enter they see a huge naked fat chick dancing in the table. The guy says “Nice legs” and the fat lady replies “Oh you really think so?”. The guy then says “Yeah definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now”

Please excuse any mistakes you may see as english is not my first langu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

He sees this bucket of money on the bar and asks the bartender what’s up. Bartender tells him they have three tests laid out in order to win this money.

1. Drink this bottle of hot sauce.

2. There is a rabid dog outside with a toothache. Fix it.

3. There is a 72 year old, 450...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

Do you have a pen?

So I was at the bar the other night and I saw this fat lady eying me up. After a while she comes up to me and says do you have a number cutie? I ask do you have a pen? With a wink she says sure do, and starts digging in her purse. Well, you need to get back in it before the farmer notices you’re mis...

Do all three and get the money

A guy goes into a bar and sees a huge jar filled to the top with money. He asks the bar tender what's with the jar of money?

The bar tender says if you want that money you have to knock out the huge dude at the end of the bar, go back in the alley and pull the sore tooth out of the junkyard...

Sweet Young Boy

One day, a boy named Tom got on a very crowded bus.

Sitting opposite him was a fat lady who said, "If you were a polite young man, you'd let someone sit down."

"If you were a polite lady," Tom replied, "you'd let FOUR people sit down!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this was relevant considering my username... Pretty funny joke :)

Guy walks in a bar, sits and gets a beer. He sees a jar filled with 5$ behind the bar. The barman explains the client needs to put 5$ in the jar to know what it's about. The client pays up, the bartender explains the client will get all the money if he can do 3 things successfully. 1-Drink a shot of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy, two chickens, one donkey, and a maid

A country boy is travelling through the countryside to look for some livestock to purchase. He walks all day and all night until he finally comes across a farm. He walks up to the door and knocks. An old farmer opens the door and greets him.
“Hello, I would like to buy some livestock, preferably...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A medical Doctor is teaching, and everyone is around a corpse, ready for their first lesson.

"Welcome, class. OK, since this is your first lesson, I have to tell you: The 2 most important things to be a good doctor are: *Dedication* and *Observation*."

Doctor then proceeds to unveil the corpse, a big, fat woman who got shot in the head.

"This is *Dedication*". The doctor proc...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.