UPJOKE

Bad At Jokes

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

I'm pretty bad at building fences

Oops, wrong place for this post.

Why is Michael Jackson bad at bowling?

Because He's dead.

"Siri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?"

"This is Alexa."

I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math...

Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

Why are trans parents bad at lying?

You can see right through them

I may be bad at telling jokes, but...

I am amazing at clickbait.

Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?

because they can't protect their towers

Why are bacteria so bad at maths?

Because they multiply by dividing.

Why was Pope Ratzinger bad at chess?

Because he only knew how to move the bishops around.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?…

She kept running away from the ball!…

(This has probably already been posted on here, but I don’t really know, so I’m just going to post it…)

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Why are blind people so bad at masturbating?

Cause they never see it coming

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I'm bad at two things: telling jokes, and not getting angry while waiting in queue at orgies...

But I keep punching up the fuck line.

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Little Johnny is bad at math

Little Johnny has always been bad at math, never willing to study or apply himself. His parents never beat him, they did however move him from school to school hoping he would improve. Finally out of desperation, they took him to an all Catholic school. Within one week little Johnny improved. He wou...

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Everyone in my family is bad at holding in their piss.

Sadly, it runs in our jeans.

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Why are quantum physicists bad at sex?

They either have the position or the momentum, but never both.

If you're bad at delegating...

...Get someone else to do it.

I'm so bad at sledding...

I'm not even entirely sure where I go wrong. I walk up to the top, I get on my sled, and it all goes downhill from there.

Why Are Pigs So Bad at Cookin?

...because they're better at bacon!

Why was Cinderella so bad at Soccer?

She kept running away from the ball.

A vampire who is bad at his job...

...is a Hackula. But one who is good at his job is Spectacula.

Why are prisoners so bad at socializing?

Because they're in cells.

Why are soldiers bad at music theory?

A sharp major doesn’t exist.

I'm as bad at analogies as a bald man in a tree

that's it

Why is fisherman bad at boxing?

Cause he only throws hooks

Your father in law is so bad at chess...

he traded a queen for a horse.

Christmas trees are bad at sewing

They always drop their needles.

Why are atheists bad at exponents?

Because they don’t believe in a higher power.

I’m quite bad at archery

But I aim to improve

Why are orphans bad at poker?

Because they don't know what a full house is

Lawyers are so bad at what they do

That their career is literally called practicing law.

Americans are bad at clash royale..

They lost 2 towers already smh.

Apparently origami enthusiasts are bad at poker...

they're always folding.

I'll see myself out. lol

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Why are discount cards so bad at scraping ice off a car?

Because you only get 10% off

Why are turks bad at making cheese?

They never let the kurds separate.

Why was the gunman bad at arguing?

He only had hollow points.

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Because they're all shellfish.

Why are priests bad at marathons?

Because they always come in a little behind

Why are anarchists bad at carpentry?

They have no rulers

Why was Cinderella so bad at sports?

Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

Why was the horse comedian so bad at stand-up?

He kept forgetting his bit!

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I’m bad at making dick jokes.

It’s just really hard.

I told my girlfriend she was bad at handjobs

I guess that rubbed her the wrong way.

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Women must be really bad at sex

IDs usually give them an F for it.

Why are americans bad at geography?

Because the ones that skipped class survived

Why are women so bad at carpentry?

*Holds hand in the air with fingers about 4 inches apart.*

Because men keep telling them this is eight inches.

Jesus was really bad at threatening people...

He was quoted for saying "Nobody double crosses me". And look where that got him.

“Why was the pizza man so bad at telling jokes?

Because he always messed up the delivery.

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Why are dogs bad at oral sex?

Because they chew on bones.

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Why are golf players bad at sex?

Because they try to finish with as few strokes as possible.

Justin Timberlake is bad at geography

He sings this song, "Crimea River", but I checked, and Crimea is a peninsula, not a river.

Why was the bird so bad at picking up chicks?

Because he had a small pecker

Why is Oedipus bad at Latin?

He conjugated where he should have declined.

>!Latin verbs have conjugations and latin nouns have declinsions.!<

Why is jesus bad at basketball?

Because the romans crossed him up

Not only bad at jokes, I’m also bad at titles

At the local butcher shop the was a challenge. The challenge was that if you could jump and touch on of the steaks on the ceiling, you would get twenty dollars. If you couldn’t, you would have to pay for one of the steaks. So a man named Jack came up to the challenge. As he was about to try he was s...

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music?

Because they can only use OneNote!

Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?

He couldn't decide if he was black or white.

My friend said I was bad at directions.

So I got up and right.

Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs?

Because they’re easily rattled!

Why are christians bad at math?

Because they can’t sin.

So an IT guy is really bad at his job and decides to quit and start a Nu Metal band.

It was named: System Always Down

Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers

They only know how to log out.

Why is the south bad at calculus?

They don't know how to integrate.

Why was Jesus bad at hockey?

He kept getting nailed to the boards.

Why is Jesus so bad at hockey?

Why is Jesus so bad at hockey?

He always gets nailed to the boards!

He’s a good goalie though, because JESUS SAVES!

64% of the people are bad at math, according to a recent statistic

Lucky me, I belong to the other 46%

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating.

I didn't know how to respond.

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I’m bad at pushups and sit-ups...

But it’s a completely different story with fuck ups

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

Why are Dubstep musicians so bad at making pizza?

Because they always drop the base!

Why are coronavirus patients bad at basketball?

They always travel

What do you call someone bad at spelling?

A muggle.

Why are Karens bad at photoshop?

Because they don't know how to use a mask.

What do you call a mother that's bad at driving?

One bad motha trucka

The New York Jets are really bad at football

No offense

Why is Hellen Keller bad at driving?

Because she's dead.

I’m bad at four things...

Faces, names and numbers

Why is Chewbacca bad at shooting blasters?

He's a Wookie.

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I’m bad at Greek Mythology

It’s my Achilles Penis

Why are monks bad at trigonometry?

They dont sin

They say 88 percent people are bad at maths

Luckily I am among the remaining 22 percent.

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My girlfriend said I was bad at sex

I said back to her that you shouldn’t have an opinion on something that you only tried for one minute

Why are dogs so bad at dancing?

Because they have 2 left feet.

Asians are so bad at driving

That I think Pearl harbour was an accident.

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Im really bad at supporting my friends

My buddy came to me today and said "some guy said I stink today"

I said "Like shit you do!"

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I’ve gotten so bad at sex I don’t even masturbate anymore.

Its more like novicebating, on a good day its probation

Why is Jesus bad at crossword puzzles?

He always gets stuck on 2 Across.

A confectioner was bad at breaking bad news

People told him to stop sugar-coating everything

Why are rich people bad at running a bakery?

Because they don’t knead the dough

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Cause they can never find home

Heard you like bad boys. Well, I'm bad at everything...

*blink, blink*

If I had a nickel for every time someone said I was bad at math,

I'd have $264.13.

I'm bad at navigation.

It takes me places, though.

There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!

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My girlfriend just told me I'm bad at sex

I was glad. That means she's really smart. She can form an opinion in less than 30 seconds

Why is Chubby Checker so bad at telling jokes?

Because when there's a twist it doesn't surprise anybody.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How come the stripper was bad at her job?

She was never in the nude to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is china so bad at cricket?

They eat all the fucking bats

I used to think I was bad at dating in high school as I never had a girlfriend.

Prince Andrew must have been way worse, he was 45 when he got a high school girlfriend!

I’m so bad at grammar.

I’m so bad that I tripped and fell down a good.

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