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2023 Jokes

Why has 2023 been the best year for tyre fitters?

Because of the high inflation

i would say a joke about Covid-19 in 2023...

but im getting sick and tired of it!

It is Wednesday, February 15th 2023. Happy Humpday everyone.

Opps, my bad... humpday was February 14th, wasn't it?

My new year's resolution for 2023

Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in 2020 and planned them in 2019

I had a beer last night and on the side of the can, it said, “Best drunk before August, 2023”.

I want to thank the beer company for this prestigious award.

In 2023 we're not calling them Halloween costumes anymore...

It's *occultural appropriation*

2023 is a bad year to be a hot air balloon pilot without a radio.

credit to iBeej for this one!

2021 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in the world

2022 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Ukraine
2023 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Russia

It looks like the Russian Military is aiming for a record-breaking streak as the world's best 'second place'!

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

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My 2023 resolution is to be more assertive and confident…

… if that is OK for you guys.

only 3 days into 2023 and I can already tell

It's going to be an odd year

The Tetris movie is finally coming out in 2023 after numerous delays.

Every time they finished a line in the script, it disappeared.

The year is 2023...

Everything is better and it all worked out.

"What will life in Russia be like in 2023?"

"It will be worse than 2022 but better than 2024"

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle,...

It's 2023, and I still tell my subscribers on YouTube to wear a mask.

Because who knows? My video could go viral.

March 2023, one year into the Ukraine war

A scowling man said to himself as he walked: No hamburgers, no coffee, not even toiletries...

At this time, police in plainclothes came over and whispered to him: I warn you, if you slander great Russia under Putin's leadership like this, I will hit you with a pistol on the head!

The...

A man went to the doctor with a wax buildup in his ear

He sat down on the bed and the first thing the doctor asked what ear it was.

The man said it was 2023

What do you call five tubes of human toothpaste?

The winners of the 2023 Darwin Awards!

Steven Soderberg’s movie *Contagion* becomes the most downloaded movie of the year 2023

...with 17 downloads

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge $2500 for it.

(Please not this is the new 2023 edition of an older joke which used to be a bit sheeper)

Time Traveler

A time traveler shows up in Manhattan and asks the nearest person what year it is. The person responds, “2023 of course.”

The time traveler looks up at the sky and mumbles, “Ah yes, the first year of the Balloon Wars.”

It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"

".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New Year's resolution

My New Year's resolution this year was going to be:

1. Procrastinate more in 2023

But fuck it, I'll do it next year

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bad Happy New Year Joke

Me(on the phone): Happy New Year.

Friend: Happy New Year, you voice sound strange, where are you...right now?

Me: I'm in the toilet

Friend: Why?

Me: I don't wanna take last year's shit into 2023

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the departure lounge at Heathrow Airport when a tourist said to me - "You know what? This England country has to be the asshole of Europe"...

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