Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.
After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, “That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don’t think Santa has ever pushed us so hard!”.
The second one added, “Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen...
The night's winding down, and all the customers have left except for this one drunk.
Bartender: Hey man, you should get going, go back home and get some sleep.
The drunk leaves through the back door of the establishment and, as the bartender is cleaning up, comes back in through the front 10 minutes later.
Bartender: Hey man, I just kicked you out, we're closing for th...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A distraught woman answered the door…
DISCLAIMER: I heard this 30 years ago and was told this was a true story. Then I heard a comedian tell it 20 years ago. I have no idea what the actual origin is so haters kindly please step off. Lol
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The nighttime festivities at a neighborhood pub were winding down when the b...
As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire
Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire. Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...
The Cheerio Joke
Oh boy do i have a joke for you... Its called the cheerio joke. ------------------------------------- So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out...
One fall, a farmer is cutting firewood
He spends all day cutting logs and splitting them and stacking them, and as he's winding down for the day he sees an elderly Indian watching him silently from over the fence. So he goes over and says "How?" and the Indian says "How. Gottum smoke?" and the farmer hands over a pouch of tobacco, and th...
The realistic magician
A magician is winding down to the end of a performance, and in preparation for his final trick, he asks for a volunteer from the audience. A man comes up, and the magician says, "Okay, now I'm going to lay my head down on this block, and when I say 'abra-cadabra', I want you to smack the side of my ...
Heisenberg got pulled over by the cops for speeding
Winding down his window, he was greeted by a shout of "Do you know how fast you were going?!"
"Not a clue, but I know *exactly* where I was."
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