UPJOKE

Going Down Jokes

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister

It tastes the same but it's just not right.

What does going down on an old woman taste like?

Depends.

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I was going down on my girlfriend

Then I said 'Geez you got a big pussy! Geez you got a big pussy!' She said 'why did you say it twice?' and I said 'I didn't'".

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Wayne Gretzky is going down on his wife, she cums all over his face and says messy eh?

He looks up at her and says loudly no it’s me Wayne.

What do you call it when a guy is going down on a girl and suddenly stops?

McConnellingus.

It's exhausting going down on waitresses...

I'm really tired of them asking "How's everything tasting?" 5 seconds in.

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A plane was going down

You have the pope, a priest, the choir boys, and a narcissist, And only 1 parachute. The narcissist grabs the parachute and say's "I'm too important to die" The pope replies "But think about the children" The narcissist replies "Fuck the children!" The priest responds "Do you think we have time?" "E...

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter… I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.

I thought to myself, “I really need a new boat.”

What’s the worst thing you can hear while you’re going down on Willie Nelson?

“I’m not really Willie Nelson.”

What do you call a pretentious criminal going down stairs?

A condescending con
descending.

An English ship was going down in a German territory.

-Mayday mayday! We are sinking!

+Hallooo?

-I repeat we are sinking. Mayday!!

+Soo... What are you zinking about?

Did you hear about the guy who killed himself going down a slide

He committed Sueislide

Trying this sub as not going down well on sub Funny. Is it too dark?

So my friend punched me today after catching me sniffing his sisters knickers. She was still in them at the time so i cant complain really.


Apparently it made the rest of her funeral awkward though.

I was going down on my girlfriend

She kept trying to guide me to the right spot.

"A little to the left, no, right a bit, go down, up a little.."

I stopped what I was doing and said, "Just tell me what you want, I'm tired of eating around the bush!"

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What do you call going down on a woman with large labia?

A tongue twister.

A plane was going down....

A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to crash in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out...

The ice cream truck is going down the street

And a lady runs after it but it doesn't see her and keeps going. She keeps following until the driver sees her in his mirror. He stops and shes out of breath

Truck driver: “hey, sorry about that, I didn't see you, what can I get you? “

Out of breath she says “I just wanted to tell you...

[NSFW] What's the worst part about going down on your grandma?

Banging your head on the lid of the coffin

There were 3 men in a brothel. One going up the stairs, one in going down the stairs, and one in a room. What were their nationalities?

The man going up the stairs was Russian.

The man going down the stairs was Finnish.

And the man in the room, Himalayan.

Why was the roman smiling after going down on his wife?

He was gladiator.

So I was going down on my grandmother

and I tasted horse cum. Then I had a thought... what if that's how she died?

What's Harry Potter's favourite way of going down a hill?

Walking.
JK Rolling.

Did you hear about the Large Hadron Collider going down?

They are gonna have to bring in a quantum mechanic.

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So I was going down on my grandma the other day...

And I couldn’t help but notice the distinct taste of horse semen. Then I thought to myself....”maybe that’s how she died”

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending!


(This has been my favorite joke for years, so I thought I’d share! :) Pretty sure I originally saw if from a tumblr post, it’s not my original joke)

Going down on my girl is similar to 9/11

Bush is involved.

How many calories does going down on your girl provide?

It depends on which way she wipes.

Pinocchio lied while going down on her.

She was taken aback.

Throughout WWII, my great-grandfather was responsible for 43 German planes going down.

He was the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

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This blokes wife was going down to the shops, so she asked her husband if he'd like anything

"Yeah, a packet of smokes", he replied.

The wife came back and chucked him tobacco & papers to make rollies. He didn't want to start an argument, so he just thought, "Stupid Bitch", and smoked them.

The next week the wife was going down to the shops and she asked him again if he wa...

What do geneticists call going down on two women?

The double he-licks

A short man was just convicted of a felony and was going down the stairs with his lawyer and the deputies

His lawyer said, "you should have listened to me, stupid!"

I'm like wow - that's a little con descending.

Pineapple on pizza is like going down on your cousin.

It tastes good, but something ain't right.

Another plane was going down..

...On board were Henry Kissinger, a priest and a hippie. The pilot comes back to the passenger area and says "This plane is going down , there are three parachutes, and I'm taking one!" and jumps out of the door.

Henry Kissinger says "I am ze smartest man in ze world und I need to live," gra...

A man leaving his apartment building runs into his female neighbor on the elevator.

"Good morning, what are you up to today?" he asks.


She replies, "I'm going down to give blood."


"How much do you get paid for giving blood?" he asks.


"About $20 a pint." she says.


"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the spe...

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"No, Dave, you're not going down the pub tonight!"

Dave: "I'll be fine. Don't worry"

Mary: "Every time you go to the pub you get too pissed and you're sick on yourself"

Dave: "Don't worry, I'm only going for one. I promise."


...

So Dave is 4 drinks in and he tells the lads he has to leave.

Dave: "You know why. ...

What did the Jewish Santa say when going down the chimney?

Hey kids! Wanna buy some presents?!

People say the mean sea level is going down.

I agree, the sea is much calmer these days.

What do you call a snarky thief going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.



Sorry if this is a repost. Heard it yesterday and thought you all would enjoy.

Why is St. Nick afraid of going down chimneys?

Claustrophobia.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asks his buddy.

His friend replies “I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as hell ain’t going down there for ten bucks”.

A plane is going down...

An airplane of holiday makers is flying over the pacific when the engine fails and takes a nosedive. Everyone dies except for 3: two guys and one girl. They wash up on a beach of a deserted island and set about building a fire, fishing, making a shelter etc. When the sun goes down and they are bored...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a wh...

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