UPJOKE

Why Do You Jokes

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

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“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

Why do you never see a fat ninja?

Because fat ninjas are the best ninjas.

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”



"Because…He’s my newt.

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[Long] A man notices a pirate and asks him, “Excuse me sir, but why do you have a hook hand?”

The pirate says, “Arr, yes, me hook hand. A sword cut me right below the elbow.”

“Well, what about your peg leg?” Says the man

“Arrr, me peg leg. A cannonball shot me right below the kneecap.”

“Well, what about your patch eye?”

“Arrr, me patch eye, I was standing on the ...

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My mate down the pub asked me last night “why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?”

I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."

He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"

I replied, "No, I work in a morgue''.

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Rihanna was asked; "why do you think Chris Brown was denied a visa in Australia?"

She replied:


"Beats the hell outta me"

Why do you not make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?

Because she is thick and tired of it.

I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, “Tiny!" My kid laughed and asked, “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” I explained...

“Because...he’s my newt!"

Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time?

Because you'd make a spectacle of yourself.

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Why do you get aroused when you look in the mirror?

Because your dick thinks you're a pussy too.

Why do you never see a flock of seagulls in the middle east?

Because Iran’s so far away

Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi?

Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works!

Why do you never hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent...

Boss: Why do you-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: What is your biggest wea-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: (whispering) you're hired. Welcome to the library.

I asked my dad, “Why do you keep buying vinyl?”

Dad: Records are….always a sound purchase.

I asked my Asian friend, “Why do you have to always get A’s in class?”

He said, “An Asian without an A is a sin.”

Why do you take an extra sock when golfing?

In case you get a hole in one.

Why do you blow in a trumpet?

Because it sounds better if you don't suck.

Why do you have to be careful when trees start dropping feathers instead of leaves?

It could be your down-fall

My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?"

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

"You're so childish!" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends?! This is ridiculous, this relationship is over!"

"This relationship is what? Over!"

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

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Guy 1: Why do you think it's ok to harass women?

Guy 2: I don't, her ass meant nothing to me.

Why do you never see pieces of paper at bodybuilding competitions?

Because they would have to get shredded.

Why do you always let a woman go through the door first?

Snipers!

Sarah and Isaac were lying in bed one night. Isaac was tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Sarah asks him "Isaac, Isaac, why do you fret so? " to which Isaac replies "Oy vey, Sarah, you know that 20 kopeks I owe Ishmael across the way? Well, I have no idea how I will repay him!"

Sarah nods her head, gets out of bed, throws open the window and yells for Ishmael "Ishmael! Ishmael! Wake up!"
Ishmael opens the window and cries "Sarah, what is the matter? It is the middle of the night!"
Sarah replies "Ishmael, you know that 20 kopeks my husband owes you?" He replie...

“Hey, why do you still work as a mailman despite having such a low salary?”

“It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.”

“Mom, why do you stay with my abusive dad?”

Mom: “Beats the hell outta me”

Why do you never insult a fat person?

They already have too much on their plate

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car...

Why do you duck when the ceiling is low?

So you don’t quack your head

Why do you never see a pregnant Barbie?

Because Ken came in a different box.

Why do you never have to buy a box of eggs in France?

Because one egg is always un oeuf

Why do you hire a psychic hooker?

So you can have your mind blown.

Why do you call a pregnant lady “knocked up”?

Because someone came in

Why do you keep calling him Chewbacca?

The man's name is GHHRRRGH!

Why do you never see a pig in a tree?

Because pigs can't climb trees

Why do you never BBQ on your roof?

The steaks are too high!

Sir, why do you ask for a red shirt before battle?

In the days when tall wooden ships sailed the high seas, there was this one ship sailing during a war. That morning, the lookout shouted, “Enemy ship on the horizon.”
The captain said to his ensign, “Get me my red shirt.”
The ensign, rather bewildered by this odd request, did as his captain or...

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Why do you hire a boxer when you are constipated ?

Cause he beats the shit out of you.

Why do you not eat dinosaurs eggs!

Because their eggs stinked

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An elephant asked a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?"

The camel was stunned for a second and then replied, “That’s a good question, especially coming from a freak who has his penis on his face!"

My friend: Why do you only use one of the trigonometric functions?

Me: Just ‘cos

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Why do you think we are here?

John, Paul, and Bill sit around a campfire.

John turns to Paul, and asks him "Why do you think we are here?"

Paul says "Man, I wonder that all the time. Some people think we exist on Earth in purgatory. We suffer here through the trials and tribulations of life in order to determine if...

Why do you put diapers on a baby?

To tie up loose ends

Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?

Mountains peak.

Interviewer: "Why do you think you are qualified to work as a physcologist?"

Me: "Well, why do *you* think I'm qualified to work as a physcologist?"

Interviewer: "You're hired."

Someone asked me "why do you have a miniature guillotine?"

It's for when I'm in the mood for a little head

Why do you need to know gymnastics to invade Russia?

Because you need to be able to make a summerassult.

Why do you have to wait while at the gym

because you get buffer

Why do you have to deport sick birds of prey?

Why do you have to deport sick birds of prey?

>!it might be an illeagle!<

Why do you never use a cannon in hot weather?

It shoots itself at 90 degrees

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"Hey masochist, why do you spend so much time with the sadist?"

"Beats me."

Why do you always burn your tongue on coffee from the new “Hipster” coffee shop?

Because you were drinking it before it was cool.

Detective 1: "Why do you keep bringing Quasimodo to the crime scenes? He doesn't have any real facts or information."

Detective 2: "Say what you will about him, but he's got a hunch."

Why do you see a blonde crawling in the supermarket?

Because she is looking for low prices.

Why do you have to use email to communicate with a flat earther?

You can't reach them with fax.

Why do you always see a helicopter outside the White House?

Because it's too big to fit inside the White House.

[Police Station] Me: I want to talk to the thief who broke into my house last night Police: Why do you want to talk to him?

Me: I just want to know how he got into my house without waking up my wife. I’ve been trying it for years

Why do you see a lot more old people attending church than you see young people?

Cramming for the final.

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Wife asked me, "Why do you browse Reddit on the toilet?"

For shits and giggles

Why do you always have to wear a seatbelt in an autonomous car?

In case the computer crashes.

[oc] Why do you never invite a DJ to fishing

They always drop the bass

Her: Why do you use because all the time?

Me: I am a simple man. I use because because because is a conjunction.

(My 4yr old told me this one.) Why do you go to bed?

Because the bed won't come to you!





Silly, but coming from her it got me laughing.

I asked my 7 year old, "Why do you have chocolate all over your face?"

He said, "Saving it for leftovers."

That boy cracks me up.

A man asked a mermaid "Why do you wear seashells ?"

The mermaid replied "I grew out of my B-shells"

Kid: "Santa why do you have such a huge bag?"

Santa: "Cos I Only come once a year"

Why do you always call your first data point y₀?

Why not?

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"Why do you women use hair straightening irons?" "To make our hair look longer!"

Doctor: "How did you manage to get that burn on your penis, Sir?"

Why do you applaud when you laugh?

Because if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

“Why do you keep that condom with you all the time?”

“It’s my lucky condom. Every time I wear it I get lucky.”

Why do you need a driver's license to get your blood drawn?

Because its called a blood drive.

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Why do you always need a jew in a coffee shop?

Cause hebrews the coffee

why do you always say mucho to your Spanish friends?

I don't know, just means a lot to them.

"Mike, why do you keep calling your bungee jumping accident "the pregnancy scare?"

Mike: "The rubber broke."

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Why do you think this joke is funny?

A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.

When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passiona...

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, “Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.” “Really? Why do you think so?”

“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of taxes.”

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