UPJOKE

Do You Know Why Jokes

Do you know why batman doesn't have a police badge?

Because he doesn't kill people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because of the-

Car driving by: HONK

Me: Because if the-

2nd car driving by: HONK

Me:

Cop:

Me: Because of the-

3rd car driving by:HOOONK

Me: Because of the “Honk if you think cops have micropenises’’ bumper sticker?

Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared?

10 was in the middle of 9 11.

Do you know why there are fewer 'all men are trash' posts now?

Christmas is coming

Do you know why I don't do threesomes?

Because if i wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd visit my parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Ms. Pac-man is considered the greatest prostitute of all time?

Because for 25 cents she'll eat balls until she dies!

Do you know why I don't make fat jokes?

Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience.

Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's?

Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...

Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are really good at it.

In France, do you know why they only eat one egg at breakfast time?

Because one egg is enough

Do you know why women fart after they pee?

They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.

Do you know why hurricanes are just like women?

Because when they come they’re wet and wild and when they leave they take your dog and house with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Oppenheimer bombed in japan?

They had already seen it

Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying ?

Because he never lands.

Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why God invented yeast infections?

So women could know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.

Do you know why Indiana Jones never got married?

Bad dates

Do you know why more vaccinated than unvaccinated children have autism?

Because you have to be alive to be autistic

Boss: Do you know why I called you in here?

Me: Because I accidentally sent you a dic pic

Boss: (Stops pouring 2 glasses of wine)
Accidentally?

credit u/zarina300

Cop: do you know why i pulled you over?

Me: because the police force is a fascist institution designed to protect the wealthy

Cop: there's a man in your trunk

Me: yea a 𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 man

Do you know why the duck went to narcotics anonymous?

He had a quack addiction.

Do you know why they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Do you know why the people who live in Phoenix can’t be buried there?

Because they are still alive!

Do you know why women are good at ventriloquism?

Because they have two sets of lips.

Do you know why Ducks have big flat feet?

So they can stomp out forest fires.

Do you know why elephants have big flat feet?

So they can stomp out flaming Ducks.

Do you know why Indian sandwich shops keep opening?

Because there is always a New Delhi

Do you know why there's no gambling in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.

Do you know why they called him Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader never would have worked.

Do You know why there's religious holidays but no scientific holidays?

Because science always works

Do you know why the sea is salty?

It's because land never waved back

Do you know why cows have hooves?

Because they lactose...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why men are smarter while having sex?

Because they are plugged into a genius

A cop pulled me over and asked "Do you know why I pulled you over?'

I Said "if you already forgot, I'm not gonna tell you"

Do you know why Tom wasn't able to close his windows?

Because Jerry had the mouse!

Do you know why they started charging people to fill their tires?

Inflation.

Do you know why there qre so many Chuck Norris jokes, but not many Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke

Do you know why no one tells Chuck Norris "Chuck Norris" jokes?

They don't want to risk him perceiving the "punchline" as a threat!

Do you know why cemeteries have fences?

Because everyone is dying to get in.

Do you know why the clam murdered the oyster?

Shellfish reasons

Do you know why Hindu worship Lord Ganesha first

Because we have to first address the elephant in the room

Do you know why Spiderman always has a witty comeback?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why God made Adam and Eve white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man.

Do you know why everyone in the UK loved the Queen?

Because she ruled.

Do you know why cowgirls are bowlegged?

Because cowboys eat with their hats on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why women wear tampons when they go sky diving?

So they don't whistle on the way down.

Do you know why so many Italian people are named Tony?

Years ago they were shipping a bunch of them into America and they stamped on their foreheads To:NY.

Do you know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it’s worth it!

Do you know why women can't read a tape measure?

Because they've been told 6" inches is 8" all their lives.

Do you know why they give those tiny pockets on jeans?

It is for your salary.

Do you know why insulin has gotten so expensive?

Well, it’s not called Liveabetes, now is it?

Do you know why blue whale is called blue whale?

Because it wasn't fat enough to be called yo mom!

Do you know why dark is written with "k" and not with "c"?

Because you can't see in the dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q: Do you know why Michael J. Fox makes such good milkshakes?

A: Because he uses really good ingredients, what did you think asshole?

Do you know why Jesus stopped playing hockey?

Kept getting nailed to the boards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why I hate campers?

Because they’re always fucking intense

Do you know why farts smell?

So the deaf can enjoy them too!

Do you know why the markets are green since the start of the week?

Cuz Green Day woke up after September ended.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why they call it a blowjob?

... so it sounds like it has a sort of work ethic attached to it! It makes you feel like you did something useful for the economy!

\- George Carlin

Do you know why donuts have a hole in them?

Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed

Do you know why flamingos stand on one leg?

Because if they raise the other leg too, they fall

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why a pop song must be 3 minutes?

Not even pop fans can listen to that crap for longer

Do you know why they called it TikTok?

Cos in just a matter of seconds it steals all your data!

Do you know why ants are never sick?

It's because they have little anty bodies

Do you know why firetrucks are red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 people.

4+8=12

There are 12 inches in a ruler

Queen Elizabeth is a ruler

There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth

Ships sail on seas

Seas have fish

Fish have fins

People from Finland are Finns

Finlan...

Do you know why we use 'k' instead of 'c' in 'dark'?

Cause we can't c in dark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why twins are sexual deviants?

They cum in pears.

Do you know why they're called 'Sperm' Whales?

Because they're delicious.

Do you know why bicycle can't stand by itself?

Because it is two tired

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Japan has one of the lowest obesity rates in the world?

Because the last time there was a Fat Man in their country, it didn't end well

Do you know why Scooby Doo is the most viewed cartoon in Denmark?

Because he’s a Great Dane

Do you know why you should never trust the Soviet Union?

There is Alot of Red Flags.

Do you know why Cannibals eat Vegetables?

Easy Prey

Do you know why you should never hire a communist employee?

Because they only work in theory

Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"?

Because it is the Capital of Hungary!

Do you know why hand sanatizers only kill 99% of germs?

To leave someone to tell the story

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why the shepherd fucks the sheep on the edge of the cliff?

So it pushes back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why chicken breasts are so meaty?

They are always working on their pecks.

Do you know why Snape never taught herbology?

Because he couldn't keep his Lilly alive.

Do you know why the cookie went to the doctor? BECAUSE HE FELT CRUMMY! AH-HAHAHA! Do you know why the cookie went back to the doctor?

Cancer. Stage 4 cancer.

A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied:

"Beats Me"

Do you know why the earth sucks?

Gravity

Do you know why they call it a pretzel?

Because it’s knot bread

Do you know why so many Italians are named Tony?

Because when the immigrated to America, they put stickers on their lapels with To N.Y.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Justice is a dish best-served cold?

Because if heated, it would become justwater.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Saturday and Sunday are considered strong days?

Because the rest are weak days

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Do you know why they call it COVID-19?

Because it had to be over 18 to fuck us over this hard

Do you know why the French invented the portapotty?

They needed somewhere to oui oui

Do you know why I hate Maths?

It keeps asking me to find my Ex.

Do you know why Moe and Bart never got along?

It’s because Moe was a Bart-ender

Do you know why I don't trust atoms

They make up everything

Do you know why you should be wearing white on a funeral?

\#ffffff

Do you know why Elton John plays the piano?

Because he sucks on the organ

Do you know why pies are so expensive in the Bahamas?

or are you ignorant of the pie rates of the Caribbean?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

Do you know why French people are so badass?

They eat pain for breakfast

Do you know why giraffes necks are so long?

Because their heads are so far from their body

Do you know why I buy my pistols from a T-Rex?

He’s my small arms dealer

Do you know why it is that Waldo wears stripes?

He doesn't want to be spotted.

(Someone told me this joke today at work, so I guarantee it's been around, but I had to share it.)

Do you know why a chicken coup only has two doors?

If it had four it would be a chicken sedan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why they don't allow prostitutes on crew teams?

Because hoes are hard to row.

Do you know why Scots wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Have you ever seen how ducks fly in a "V" shape and one side is longer than the other? Do you know why that is?

It's because there's more ducks on that side.

Do you know why jehovas witnesses buildings don't have windows?

Its so God can't see what they're doing in there.

Do you know why “Chicken Run” was as an marked explicit movie?

It has fowl language

Do you know why they call me Pico?

Cause I'm da guy, yo!

Do you know why flamingos always lift one leg while standing?

Because if they lifted both legs they'd fall over.

Do you know why, in France they only eat one egg for breakfast?

Coz it’s un oeuf.

Courtesy: The Trial Of The Chicago 7

Do you know why you can't water indoor plants in Russia?

Because it's bad for microphones

Do you know why native Americans hate snow?.....

Because it's white and on their land.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why some people dont like anal?

Its a pain in the ass

Do you know why Sonic never chooses Heads?

Cause he prefers Tails.

Do You Know Why Frieza Wasn't Popular At School?

Because his brother was "Cooler"

Do you know why Jeff Bezos and Mackenzie Scott got divorced?

He told her she looks like a million bucks.

Do you know why factories didn’t close in China?

Because kids don’t catch covid.

Do you know why dogs can’t dance?

They have two left feet.

Do you know why keyboard never sleeps?

Because they have 2 shifts.

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

Do you know why they choose the letter Y for the chromosome found in males?

Because that's what all the women say when men do anything

Do you know why Wholefoods isn't expanding to Germany?

Gluten tag!

(This is my first joke)

Do you know why Scuba divers fall backwards into water?

If they fall forward, they would still be in the boat.

Do you know why you should drink apple juice for breakfast?

Oj will kill you.

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