UPJOKE

What Did The Man Say Jokes

What did the man say when he spilled a drink?

This one's on me.

What did the man say after getting attacked by crows?

I just got murdered.

what did the man say when he fell in a hole full of water?

Oh well

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say after walking in on the Asian couple having sex?

That was the Wong room.

What did the man say after digging three holes in the yard?

“Well, well, well”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say when he caught his girlfriend fucking her personal trainer?

This isn't working out.

What did the man say to the grocer who was having a hard time?

You've got this in the bag

What did the man say to the amputee?

What's wrong? You look de-feeted.

What did the man say when he was getting kicked out of the sperm bank

That’s the last time I’m coming in here

What did the man say when he was asked out by ten women in one day?

Sorry, wrong bathroom

What did the man say to the thief stealing his cheese?

Stop stealing my cheese

What did the man say when he got lost in a cheese factory?

"Excuse me sir, can you show me the whey?"

What did the man say to Madusa?

I don't know, he was too stoned to talk.

What did the man say to the abacus?

I’m counting on you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say when he ran over a deer with his car?

Fuck.



You were expecting "Oh deer" weren't you?

What did the man say when he dined at a restaurant filled with bears ?

“The service was unbearable”

What did the man say when he heard his friends talking behind his back?

You discussed me!

What did the man say to the Queen after she told him he was to be put to death by guillotine?

“So no head?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say to the toilet when he cleaned it?

“This thing has really seen some shit!”

What did the man say to his pet bear after buying her a computer and the computer wouldn't turn on and he ended up calling his cousin who works at the computer company and the cousin came down from Milwaukee to show them how to connect everything to make the computer work?

Sorry for the complicated setup.

What did the man say to the odd-looking German child whom he had never met before but helped him out?

Thank you strange kinder!

What did the man say after taking a small french woman to his room after dinner?

Bon a petite

What did the man say after eating a frozen pizza?

That wasn't well thawed out.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

"Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."

What did the man say to the Buddhist hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything"

What did the man say when he walked into the bar?

Ouch.

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

What did the man say to his sister when she split his toe into equal halves?

Mitosis!

What did the man say when the Doctor removed his tapeworm?

Thanks Doc, it was really getting under my skin..

What did the man say to his wife after cheating on her with a guy?

I haven't been entirely straight with you.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man say when his nose was too stuffed up to have sex?

I can't breed.

What did the man say when his wife surprised him with three potable drinking reservoirs?

Well, well, well.

What did he say when one of them stopped working?

Oh, well.

What did he say when the other two flooded the yard?

Damn.

What did the man say upon going on 9GAG?

"Already Reddit"

What did the man say when his boss asked him to deal with some potassium?

K.

What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?

Welp, seal ate her.

What did the man say when he saw the car cross the river?

Ford!

What did the man say when he realized the boy who asked him out was an orphan?

No home oh

What did the man say when the bass was too loud for his ears?

"That megahertz"

What did the woman get in response when she asked if his ears were okay?

100 watts

What did the man say to the priest at the beach?

Do you mind getting out of my son.

What did the man say to the sad fat guy?

Hey, chins up buddy.

What did the man say to the giant squid?

What's kraken?

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