Went Into A Bar Jokes

He met the Bartender

“Hey!” said the bartender. “You ca’t bring that animal in here!”

“Wait a minute,” said the guy. “This isn’t just a dog. He can talk!”

“Sure,” sneered the bartender. “I bet you 500 bucks he can’t!”

“Okay, you’re on!” said the man as he turned to his dog and said, “Here boy! Now t... read more

the bartender did not think it was funny and gave me an earful. Needless to say, I would have preferred to drink it.

A guy and his dog went into a bar and made a bet with the bartender. The guy said his dog could talk and he bet the bartender 1 free drink for him if the dog could answer a question. The bartender says okay because there's know way a dog could talk. The guy asks the dog, "What grows on trees?" "Bark... read more

So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

~Rodney Dangerfield

"Sorry", said the bartender, "no animals allowed".

Said the rabbit "Damn antisemitic autocorrect feature!"

The bartender asks,"What'll be Bones?"

The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."

The bartender upon seeing him said "this one is free of charge".

Jesus said, “Just order water.”

He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady.Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out ... read more

(There should have been an Englishman as well but he was still at the Rugby World Cup.)

The first one said to the bartender, I want H2O, the second one said I want H2O too. The second one died

When the bartender saw them, he took his coat and started walking toward the door, they all asked him “ what about the punchline ?” He said “ it doesn’t matter, its gonna be reposted any way ”...

Sorry if its poorly written or if its a repost ( I am not sure if it isn’t ).

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this lady, and eventually, he gathered up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice... read more

"You have some very nice clothes" said the bowl of pretzels.

The man thinking he was hallucinating, ignored the bowl and called the waiter and ordered a margarita.

"Nice choice good sir" said the bowl of pretzels.

The man once again thinking he was hallucinating ignored the bowl... read more

I went into a bar once and ordered a drink from the bartender. He puts down the drink and a side of peanuts. I take a sip of the drink and I hear faintly, "Man, you have great hair!" I was a little freaked out by it, because there isn't anyone in the bar besides me and the bartender, but the bartend... read more

I went into a bar and asked for a double. The bartender went into the back and came out with a guy who looked like me.
-Rodney Dangerfield

After a hard day of work they decided to take the rest of the night off. They went into a bar, had lots of drinks and got completely wasted. They started heading towards the hotel but were suddenly stopped by a massive hole blocking the road. Nobody could deduce whether or not falling into the hole ... read more

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The bartender came over to take their orders. "And what would you, eh, gentlemen like tonight?"

The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his compani... read more

A rope went into a bar. But the bartender said there were no ropes allowed.
So the rope went outside and tied himself into a knot.
When he went back in the bartender said, “Are you the same rope who came in earlier?”
The rope said,” No, I’m a frayed knot.”

A cowboy moved to Wyoming from Texas. He went into a bar and ordered three mugs of Bud. Sitting in the back of the room, he drank a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he goes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approached the cowboy and said, "You know, a mug goes... read more

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ... read more

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first... read more