UPJOKE

Trouble Making Jokes

What did the priest say in frustration when he had trouble making his bed?

Holy sheets!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the circumcised foreskin have trouble making friends?

He was a bit of a dick.

In college, I had trouble making friends till I came up with a foolproof plan.

I told all the girls “I love you”, and they usually said, “Let’s just be friends”.

Did you know things are so bad that even Capt. Jack Sparrow has had trouble making ends meet?

He can barely afford to keep a skeleton crew.

Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends?

He was way too autistic for his own good.

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a really big, trouble making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. ...

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” He asks menacingly. I burst into tears.
“Oh come on man” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d cry. I hate to see a man crying”.
“This is the worst day of my life” I sob. “I’m a complete failure. My boss fired me for being late to a meeting. When I wen...

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour.

Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the ...

Deaf people aren't known to be very rational

They have trouble making sound decisions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle-aged couple is having trouble in bed.

A middle-aged couple is having trouble in bed - namely, the husband is having trouble making his wife orgasm. They visit a sex therapist who recommends they hire a young man to give the wife a foot massage during sex, hopefully to relax her and help her orgasm. They try it, and the husband fucks his...

I had to quit my job at the Human Centipede laboratory.

I was having trouble making ends meet.

"making decisions"

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
.
Student: Well...yes and no.

Odd

A mother and father named their child "Odd". And because of his unfortunate name, poor Odd had the worst life you could imagine.
In school, he was always picked on and had trouble making friends. In college he never fit in and struggled to gain the respect of his peers. In life he drifted from jo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

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