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Toth Jokes

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken tothe hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up? "

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus.

The buseswere running late, and a lot of time passed.
Finally, one woman turned tothe other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my buttfell asleep!'.

The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

Lucky Dave

"You know," Dave told his buddies, "I'm a lucky man. I never realized howmuch my wife loved me until the other day when I had to stay home sick fromwork.""What did she do?" someone asked."She was so happy to have me home," he said, "that every time someone came tothe door, like the milkman or postma...

There's an "r"

Little Johnny walks into school oneday to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r " afterthe first letter. "
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy. "
A few days later the regular teacher...

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