UPJOKE

Took So Long Jokes

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

Why did it took so long to investigate Flint water crisis?

They never appointed a lead detective

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

A husband and wife are going out for the evening...

Before going out they always put their cat out for the night.

An Uber arrives to pick up the couple and as they walk out of the house, the cat runs back inside.

The husband goes back into the house to chase the cat out, and the wife walks out to the Uber. She doesn’t want the driver to...

A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".

The son walks in and says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three pet stores before I found one that sold toucans."

Please stop trying to unionize

It took so long to ionize

John and the Mob Boss

John was serving as a jury member in a high-profile gangster trial. The mob boss's underlings approached John with threats and a bribe:

"There's no way a death sentence will be passed. At worst, it'll be a life sentence." Shaken, John agrees. The trial proceeds, and the jury is sequestered. H...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are driving in a truck.

On one cold icy day a blonde, brunette and a red head decide to take a drive.

The brunette as the best driver in icy conditions decides to drive. The red head decides to ride passenger because she keeps the best eye out. The blonde decides to ride in the bed of the truck because she’s dress...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew I heard from a Rabbi

Two devout Jewish men walked by a Christian church promoting conversions with $500 for each soul saved. The first fella says to his friend: "Hey Coen, I'm gonna go in there and feign interest to grab some free cash from those putzes bribing people for attendances!" Coen speaks up: "But Sal! You're a...

3 guys walk into a bathroom at a bar

After about 20 minutes, the first guy comes out of the bathroom. The security guard was skeptical, so he asked what he was doing in there that took him so long. The man replied: "I was blowing bubbles". The security guard laughed and the man walked away. Another 20 minutes passed, and the second man...

After 10 years my dad came home and said

Sorry it took so long they were out of milk

A Man Buys several Acres in the Countryside

and hires a local contractor to build a fence around his new property.

The next day, the contractor arrives in his pickup with a small trailer of tools and materials to begin work on the fence.

The contractor begins digging the first hole with a shovel only to find the ground is mostl...

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies

"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

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