They say 1 million monkeys with 1 million keyboards can produce the entire works of Shakespeare...

...Thanks to the internet we now know that's not true

They say you can’t get away with murder..

Well I know two people who McCann

A friend of mine opposes religion so much that they say they’re “allergic to Jesus.”

So I told them to take an anti-theist-amine.

You know what they say about the French royal family?

It was a good idea on paper but they lost their heads in the execution.

Did you hear about the lion who liked noodles?

They say he eats raw-men

They say you can predict the next president based off bumper stickers.

According to my research the president should have been that one honor student.

They say that 95% of murders are committed by someone the victim knows, if that's true...

New "friends" are actually just people who became 19 times more likely to kill you

Did you hear about the opera singer who threw the game-opening baseball?

They say he had perfect pitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say love thy neighbor

But then everyone loses their mind when you are caught fucking them.

What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate!

A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use fifteen thousand words a day, whereas women use thirty thousand.

The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
<...

They say the worst place to be in a cooking competition is last place...

...Tell that to the crab.

My neighbours treat me like a God

Everytime I pass through they say"Oh God! You again?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say it’s frowned upon in society to talk poorly about the Jews..

They say its bad Jew Jew.

People say smoking will give you diseases

But how can they say that when it cures salmon!!

(Lol im a smoking chef and when i heard this joke I coughed my lungs like i have the rona. Had to post it )

They say a woman’s work is never done.

Maybe that’s why they don’t get paid as much.

Yesterday, I tried to relive the 80s and play some Super Mario Bros. When they say you can never go back, turns out it's true.

Mario just stops at the edge of the screen.

100 Bricks

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

1. I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say "Those who can't do, teach"

As a redditor, I am fully qualified to teach sex ed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

A Logical Conclusion

They say a camera adds 10 pounds.

After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance.

They say drinking one beer a day can prevent you from having a psychotic break, which is great...

...I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

They say Jesus died for our sins.

Did he die for our cos and tans as well?

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say all the pretty Vegas dancers are really men.

I always questioned whether my Vegas dancing girlfriend really had a penis. Occasionally, there is something inside me that says, "Yes!"

When They Say Everything is Coming your Way, there’s 2 Meanings to that.

1.) Everything is going as you expected.

2.) You’re in the Wrong Lane.

They say Covid-19, the novel coronavirus is one of the worst things that's happened in recent years

But if you think this is bad, just wait till you see the movie adaptation!

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