UPJOKE

The Party Jokes

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

Lining up for Drinks at the Party.

Two friends decide to throw a party to celebrate them getting their new flat and invite everyone they know. One of them prepares a huge bowl of punch for everyone and the other brings a soda fountain that he just bought.

The party rolls around and everyone is enjoying themselves; all of them...

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

Why did the austronaut leave the party early?

Because they needed some space.

Bride was stood up at the altar and decided to have the party any way.

It went off without a hitch!

How do farmers get the party started?

They turnip the beets.

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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.

'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. 

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as h...

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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

What did the vegetables say at the party?

Lettuce turnip the beet.

What happens to the cannibal who is late to the party?

He gets the cold shoulder.

My blonde wife was late to the party.

But, she explained that she had to wait for a train at the crossing. The sign said watch for trains and she said she had to wait 40 minutes before she saw one.

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

Because he was a fungi!

But why was he asked to leave?

Because there wasn’t mushroom…

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

I stuffed a bunch of blunts into the holes of a foam shoe and brought it to the party.

Sure I was popular, but I wish someone would have explained to me what a crockpot was before I came.

Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife?

...The invitation said to look sharp

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

He had no body to go with.

So my friend forgot to bring the mayonnaise for the party tonight…

I was like, “What the Hellmann”

Why was the murderer arrested at the party?

He brought some body with him.

A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.

The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."

A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and po...

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

What did the house wear to the party?

Address.

Did you hear about the party thief?

I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.

I took my family to a fancy dress party, I asked my wife to be a panda, my kid to be a koala and I went as a grizzly. My wife didn't get the joke, so I said I will tell you when we get to the party... At the party I still refused to tell her and told her to be patient, so when we left...

...I simply turned to her and said, thanks for bearing with me!

Always invite the math major to the party.

They are a great addition.

The lion is celebrating a party. All animals are invited, only the hamster is not.

The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end."

The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t...

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town....

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town. He has everything a billionaire could possibly have including: tennis courts, go cart track, mini-golf, private airplane, and a huge mansion. The main attraction however is the biggest swimming pool you've ever seen, and inside that pool, the worlds ...

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Two mates were reminiscing about the party they'd been at the week before..

"Great party that, last week, wasn't it?"
"Wow, yes, great food, great booze, great girls...and a posh house to boot."
"Posh house?? it was a suburban semi?"
"Never....they had a gold-plated toilet?"
"What?, I can't remember that, you must have been drunk."
"No, honestly, I remem...

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I heard my neighbour the other night through the party wall..

Shagging for what seemed like ages. Loads of moaning, groaning, the headboard banging against the wall. It seemed to go on for hours.

It turns out it was her elderly Mom had taken a fall and was banging on the wall with her stick to attract attention.

I feel a bit guilty about the wa...

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeri...

Guy goes to a costume party dressed in a Speedo with a potato in the front. He knocks on the door of the party and the host says what are you suppose to be?

He says, “I’m a dictator”

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The Party

When I was 8, my parents were throwing their annual formal dinner party. After much pleading, I was finally able to convinced them to let me greet and welcome everyone to the party.

One day, my parents got into an argument about the seating arrangements. The argument ended when dad called mo...

Why is everyone so mad at me? I was told to bring a “Hostess” gift to the party…

…I brought a DOZEN Twinkies.

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Soviet joke: A regional Communist Party meeting is held to celebrate the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution.

The Chairman gives a speech: “Dear comrades! Let’s look at the amazing achievements of our Party after the revolution.

For example, Maria here, who was she before the revolution? An illiterate peasant; she had but one dress and no shoes.

And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known thr...

What did the bartender say at the start of the party?

Let the fun be gin

Why didn't Thor go to the party with his brother?

Because it was too Loki for his taste.

What did one crow say to the other after the party?

We were raven.

The Party

Last week, I went to a party and had a good time. Before I knew it, I was chatting up a girl that I started to like. We hooked up, and later that night, I got laid. It was only as I was driving home that I remembered that the party was my family reunion.

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The party

Dan, a city man, decides to move to a small cabin in the mountains.

After 6 months of hardly any human contact, except for venturing into town for supplies, he hears a knock on his door.

He opens the door to find this big, surly, bearded man standing in front of him.

"May I help...

Guy: You’re the most average girl at the party

Girl: Wow, you’re mean

Guy: No you are

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I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at the party....

Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

How do you get the bass player to leave the party?

Pay him for the pizza.

Why wasn't the hammer allowed to join the party of seven other tools?

Cause he was tool eight.

Electro finally made it to the party

He said watts happening!

I took my date to the party...

...but after a couple of hours in my pocket it was all sticky and covered in fluff

Did you go to the party the archaeologists were having because they discovered the lower leg?

I heard it was the real shindig.




I'm sorry

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the party?

I told her that drinks were on the house

What did the angel say to the other angel at the party?

Are you heaven a good time?

All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

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The Party

A man is hitchhiking close to sundown when a trucker picks him up.

Trucker: Where you headed?


Man: I'll get a room at the next town.


Trucker: I'm headed to a party in woods up the road. You're welcome to go.

Man: That sounds great.

Trucker: Just to warn...

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

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Rabinovich, a Soviet trade official, is called to the Party meeting to be fired.

"Please, I have a family to feed," he begs the Party official.

"Okay," the partorg says, "You will go to Paris to sell Soviet perfume. If you get the contract, we will give you a bonus and let you stay."

So Rabinovich flies off to Paris. A week later, Moscow receives a telegram.
...

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fun-gi, why did he leave? There wasn't mush room.

Why didn’t the mathematician drink at the party?

Because you can’t drink and derive.

The MI5, the CIA and the KGB are having a competition

Three small parties of all three Agencies meet on neutral ground, on the edge of a big german forest.

For the goal of the competition, they decided that each of their parties should catch a rabbit, using their espionage skills. The party that manages to catch the rabbit the quickest, wins....

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.



I voted for Justin Trudeau.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

Why did people invite the mushroom to the party?

Because he’s really, really cute!

What cake was always late to the party?

ChocoLATE

Hahah I'll leave now I just needed to brag about my dope reddit bday

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Why did the Cockroach have to leave the party?

Because he was a pest

Ba dum tsss

I’m so sorry...

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party.

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party. The theme is "snacks" so they decide to go as a pair of popular candy bars.
The party is a real blast and the brunette is having tons of fun, but the blonde is just kind of off to herself with no one giv...

Why was the hipster fish late to the party?

Because he didn’t take the mainstream.

How did the hamburger introduce his wife at the party?

“Meat Patty”

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