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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

Why didn't the email subject line go to the party?

It had no body to go with.

Guy goes to a costume party dressed in a Speedo with a potato in the front. He knocks on the door of the party and the host says what are you suppose to be?

He says, “I’m a dictator”

Why did Shrek leave the party early?

Because he was OGRE it

What did a snail say to another snail when he wanted to leave the party?

We should slowly get going.

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Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in ...

So my friend forgot to bring the mayonnaise for the party tonight…

I was like, “What the Hellmann”

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Rabinovich, a Soviet trade official, is called to the Party meeting to be fired.

"Please, I have a family to feed," he begs the Party official.

"Okay," the partorg says, "You will go to Paris to sell Soviet perfume. If you get the contract, we will give you a bonus and let you stay."

So Rabinovich flies off to Paris. A week later, Moscow receives a telegram.

What did the house wear to the party?


Why didn't Thor go to the party with his brother?

Because it was too Loki for his taste.

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

I took my family to a fancy dress party, I asked my wife to be a panda, my kid to be a koala and I went as a grizzly. My wife didn't get the joke, so I said I will tell you when we get to the party... At the party I still refused to tell her and told her to be patient, so when we left...

...I simply turned to her and said, thanks for bearing with me!

Always invite the math major to the party.

They are a great addition.

Did you go to the party the archaeologists were having because they discovered the lower leg?

I heard it was the real shindig.

I'm sorry

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

He was a fungi.

Why wsn't the toadstool invited?

He was toxic.

What did one crow say to the other after the party?

We were raven.

How do you get the bass player to leave the party?

Pay him for the pizza.

What starts with M, ends in DMA, and was an exciting surprise at the party?

My Grandma

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

My friend had mushrooms during the party

Now he's a fun guy

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.

I voted for Justin Trudeau.

An old man went to a dinner party with his wife and 3 friends. He then called his wife universe at the party.

The three friends were surprised at the weird pet name and decided to guess the reason behind it.

The first friend was a romantic and said maybe he calls her that because their love must be as big as the universe.

The second friend was a scientist and said maybe he wants their marriage...

What did the angel say to the other angel at the party?

Are you heaven a good time?

If Al Abama wore Miss Issippi's new jersey to the party, what will Mary Land wear?

I dunno, Al ask a.

Those two girls at the party got mad at me because I called them hipsters.

Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins.

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I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at the party....

Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

What cake was always late to the party?


Hahah I'll leave now I just needed to brag about my dope reddit bday

Electro finally made it to the party

He said watts happening!

How did the hamburger introduce his wife at the party?

“Meat Patty”

Why didn't sin and tan go to the party?

Just cos

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

As I shake the 8 ball I ask it, "Is the party tonight going to be amazing?"

8 Ball: "I'm a pile of cocaine what the hell do you think? "

Why did people invite the mushroom to the party?

Because he’s really, really cute!

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Why did the Cockroach have to leave the party?

Because he was a pest

Ba dum tsss

I’m so sorry...

Why was the broom late to the party?

It overswept.

Did you hear about the car that drove through the party?

It was quite a Fiesta

Why was the hipster fish late to the party?

Because he didn’t take the mainstream.

I want to thank you all for showing up for the party today

The social distancing party was a success!

Guy: You’re the most average girl at the party

Girl: Wow, you’re mean

Guy: No you are

This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?"

"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"

I was planning on taking leftovers from the party.

All my plans were foiled.

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The Party

When I was 8, my parents were throwing their annual formal dinner party. After much pleading, I was finally able to convinced them to let me greet and welcome everyone to the party.

One day, my parents got into an argument about the seating arrangements. The argument ended when dad called mo...

Why wasn't the hammer allowed to join the party of seven other tools?

Cause he was tool eight.

Seeing the flash in the distance, Elton John knew he only had moments to live. He turned to the nearest celebrity at the party for one last human embrace.

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

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Two mates were reminiscing about the party they'd been at the week before..

"Great party that, last week, wasn't it?"
"Wow, yes, great food, great booze, great girls...and a posh house to boot."
"Posh house?? it was a suburban semi?"
"Never....they had a gold-plated toilet?"
"What?, I can't remember that, you must have been drunk."
"No, honestly, I remem...

What do you call the type of guy who *always* leaves the party with his ex-girlfriend?

The groom

Why didn’t the mathematician drink at the party?

Because you can’t drink and derive.

My favorite toadstool left the party because there wasn't mushroom.

It's a pity, because he was a really fungi.

I don't know who came up with this but I heard it from Scishow ages ago.

What did The headless horseman say before leaving the party?

I’ll beheading off then

Do you think we should bring your Grand father's ashes to the party?

Sister: No, we probably dont need to

Me: No, I dont think its necessary

Uncle: No, I think it's dead weight

Did ya hear about the lobster that went to the party??

It pulled a mussel

Did you hear about the party they threw when Kim Kardashian tripped and fell today?

It was a Hoedown.

Did you hear about the party thief?

I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.

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Why wasn’t the Mushroom invited to the party?

The host thought he looked like a Real Dick

I never forget the time when we were at the party, playing truth and dare and

someone dared me to go home

The Party

Last week, I went to a party and had a good time. Before I knew it, I was chatting up a girl that I started to like. We hooked up, and later that night, I got laid. It was only as I was driving home that I remembered that the party was my family reunion.

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The party

Dan, a city man, decides to move to a small cabin in the mountains.

After 6 months of hardly any human contact, except for venturing into town for supplies, he hears a knock on his door.

He opens the door to find this big, surly, bearded man standing in front of him.

"May I help...

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the party?

I told her that drinks were on the house

How do farmers get the party started?

They turnip the beets.

Went to the party dressed as a chicken last night.

Went to a party dressed as a chicken last night, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg - a life long question was answered. It was the chicken.

Why couldn't the priest make it to the party?

He had friar commitments.

What did the vegetables say at the party?

Lettuce turnip the beet.

Why was the mushroom the life of the party?

Because he was giving out free cocaine

All Electrons were having the party

All Electrons were having the party

Suddenly protons attacked them..

A hero came and saved the electrons..

Electrons asked hero: "Who are you ?? "





Hero said : " BOND .. COVALENT BOND "

What did the ghost say at the party?

I'm just here for the boos.

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The Party

A man is hitchhiking close to sundown when a trucker picks him up.

Trucker: Where you headed?

Man: I'll get a room at the next town.

Trucker: I'm headed to a party in woods up the road. You're welcome to go.

Man: That sounds great.

Trucker: Just to warn...

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A guy goes to the party dressed in nothing but his pants...

Someone asks him what he's supposed to be.

He replies "premature ejaculation"

The man asks him "how's that?"

He then says "well I just came in my pants"

Why did the wild Australian dog have no answer when he was asked if the party was good?

Because he dingo.

My wife seemed full of herself when she got back from the party..

..turns out she was actually full of someone else.

Why couldn't the misspelled quotation come to the party?

Because it was [sic]

Did you here the one about the shy corn kernel that went to the party.

They say he really popped when he came out of his shell.

Mr Mushroom just couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t popular at the party?

He thought he was a fungi.

A little late to the party here, but for my New Year's resolution, I decided to dedicate more time to my step machine.

I never knew my real machine. 😢

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I informed the party attendants that someone put laxatives in all the food and drink.

Everyone lost their shit.

Did you hear about the party at the English department?

It was Lit af

My ungrateful daughter didn't enjoy the party everyone threw for her

It was a search party.

I asked a hippy if he wanted to leave the party we were at. Know what he told me?

Nah, imma stay.

(Works better if you read it aloud)

What happens to the cannibal who is late to the party?

He gets the cold shoulder.

Why did the macaroni leave the party?

It was pasta his bedtime.

When my friend takes shrooms, he instantly becomes the life of the party.

What a fungi to be around.

Why didn’t the Australian get smashed at the party ?

Because he din-go

I was heading for the bowl of juice at the party last night. Before I could grab the ladel, another guy walked in front of me and took the last of the juice before I could get any...

...He beat me to the punch.

Can I invite my friend, the skeletal system, to the party?

He always brings all the joints.

Did you hear about the party hat who told jokes?

He was a conic genius.

Why did the skeleton leave the party?

Because everyone was calling him a bone-head.

(I was 6 when I came up with that).

[REQUEST] Reddit, my dad's 50th birthday is coming up and my family is throwing a huge party for him. So I need a few jokes that I can tell during my speech at the party. Fire away!

Any joke about old men being old is appreciated! Hopefully not too long, and not 100% inappropriate. (A little bit of raunchyness is welcome though) Thanks Reddit!

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"I definitely have the biggest penis in this room," I announced drunkenly at the party.

Slightly ruined my son's 13th.

The king tried to stop the party

Queen:"Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball."

I hate being the only drunk person at the party

It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!

Why did the fork go to the party?

It wanted to have a good tine.

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