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Suicide Note Jokes

I hate when people don't leave a suicide note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

What did the programmer’s suicide note say?

“Goodbye world”

Man was reading his wife's suicide note

Then he thought he could be a wonderful writer

I once wrote a very creative and detailed suicide note....

Now I've got a #1 country music song in the U.S.

What did the physicist write in his suicide note before he jumped off a tall building?

I had so much potential, but i let it all down

Year 2108 :A guy writes a suicide note on a paper

_Can't find a tree to hang_

I got a paper cut writing my suicide note

I guess it's a start

I’m a suicidal perfectionist…

No matter how many drafts of my suicide note I write, I just can’t seem to end it.

I don't know the meaning of the word "quit." I was going to look it up, but...

I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.

I’m a perfectionist. I’ve been writing and rewriting a suicide note for twelve years. It’s killing me.

My friend asked, “Must you write so many suicide jokes?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll stop soon.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist committed suicide today.

Hi suicide note read.
"Do as I say, not as I do."

iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide no...

A mother and father named their child "Odd".

Because of his unfortunate name, poor Odd had the worst life you could imagine.


In school, he was always picked on and had trouble making friends. In college he never fit in and struggled to gain the respect of his peers. In life he drifted from job to job, unable to find steady work. He...

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hispanic carpenter is feeling depressed

After living a life of always reading other people's directions and instructions to do his job, he decides he wants to to make his *own* decision for once: Committing suicide.

So he scribbles down some words on a piece of paper and reviews what he wrote, nodding in approval. He hops into his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 young boys are eating lunch on a bridge

The first one, who is French, says "If I find another baloney sandwich in my lunch tomorrow, I'm jumping off of this bridge!"

The second one, who is Irish, says "If I find another turkey sandwich in my lunch tomorrow, I'm jumping off of this bridge!"

The third one, who is Scottish, say...

A father was found dead at the foot of the Eiffel Tower

As his grieving family finally met the police they told him he was found with a note in his hand which was most likely the suicide note. The police, not having read it, handed it to the mother. The mother opens the note and reads aloud "Eiffel off the tower"

Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?

Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails.

Blonde attempts Suicide

One day she comes home and says "Today is the day I will hang myself." She leaves behind a suicide note for her husband on the table which read "I'm sorry honey, I cannot go on any longer." The husband comes home and sees the note and runs outside in a panic. He sees his wife hanging from a tree. "H...

What is black and white and red all over?

A suicide note.

Edit: I already feel horrible
Edit 2: I left out a semicolon

Stressed over finals? That's fine.

Just make sure your suicide note is in MLA format.

I once tried to write a book about my thoughts

But there's only so much you can put in a suicide note.

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