Pregnant Lady Jokes

"What is it?" I asked.
"Oh its nothing, just my baby doing standup."
"Really?" I inquired. "What did he say?"
"You wont get it." She laughed.

"It's an inside joke."

they are both round

they are both annoying to deal with

they both can be hard to turn on

they both last eight months

and they both suck up your energy

but you can unscrew a lightbulb.

Because someone came in

You can unscrew a light bulb.

i kicked her from the inside though

Doctor: "Do you wish that the the baby's father be present at the birth?"

Patient: "I prefer not.

Doctor: Oh Why is that?

Patient: He doesn't get along with my husband."

A lady who was pregnant with triplets was walking down the street one night and got robbed. She refused to give the robber any money so she was shot 3 times in the stomach. Miraculously she and all three children survived. She eventually have birth to two females and one male.

14 years later,... read more

She fell into a coma, but had her babies delivered safely. She wakes up shortly after her babies are delivered.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl.

Woman: Great! How are they doing.

Doctor: They are perfectly healthy. We even let your brother name them.

Woman: Oh no!... read more

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complain... read more

It was soooo awkward when she birthed me lol

A pregnant lady is visiting her brother Paddy's farm when her waters break.
Paddy doesn't have any transport other than his tractor so she holds on to the back while Paddy drives to the hospital.
Unfortunately part way there the lady falls off the back of the tractor knocking herself out. She... read more

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.

“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.

“Yes, it is.” – she says.

“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.

“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replie... read more

Imagine the look on the receptionists face when the pregnant lady asks her for a coat hanger.

and starts shouting "Can't! Won't! Shouldn't!"

One doctor turns to the other and says "Doctor! What's going on?"

The other doctor, with a smirk, says "She's having contractions."

Her (to staff): My food is stuck in the vending machine, can you help? I'm pregnant and I need to eat!


Me (not thinking): You sure do!


Also me (realizing that it sounded like I called her fat and hurriedly searching for a baby-related comment): This is about survival of the *fe... read more

2 eggs and a bottle of ketchup fall and break to the sidewalk. The drunk say "Sorry lady, but it would have died anyway. Its eyes were too far apart.

A guy walks up and asks, "what are you expecting?"

The girl replies the obvious, "the bus."

The man turns to his friend and whispers, "dude, I think she screwed a transformer!"

"I'm having a midwife crisis"

Especially when I wasn't born yet --those days I could kick a pregnant lady all day long and everyone would be happy that I'm doing something

My 5 year old son has a bit if a sweet tooth. I decided to have a discussion that eating too much junk food and snacks will make him fat...

Fast forward to this afternoon, I was with my son in the bank lining up. Behind us, a pregnant lady with the big baby bump lines up.

Remembering t... read more

One day a pregnant lady walked into a bank and deposited her money. She then turned around and there was people robbing the bank they told everyone to get on the ground as the lady was pregnant she couldn’t get down in time and got shot three times in the stomach. She had surgery to try and remove t... read more

He says to her "you are the second pregnant lady I've pulled out of the ditch today". With a bit of confusion she hastily replies "I am not pregnant". He pauses and calmly states "you are not out of the ditch yet".

A young lady gets on a bus but it's standing room only. A middle-aged man seated next to her is ignoring her, and she says "Excuse me, sir, would you mind standing so a pregnant lady can sit?". He excuses himself and stands for her. As she's sitting down, he realizes she doesn't look pregnant at ... read more

As she was at the tellers desk, some men with guns came in to rob the place. As they were leaving they began to shoot the witnesses and the pregnant lady was shot three times in the stomach.

The ambulance arrived in time to save her and all of her three children, two girls and one boy.
... read more