UPJOKE

Oooooh Jokes

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Oooooh BURN!

Him : Hey, girl ... Wanna hear a joke about my dick ... Oh wait nevermind, it is too long.

(\*looks at his friends thinking he did a solid pick-up line\*)

Her : Let me tell you a joke about my pussy ... Oops nevermind, you won't get it.

What's the difference between "Aaaaah..." and "Oooooh!" ?

About 2 inches.

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Pierre the famous French fighter pilot

Pierre was the most famous fighter pilot in all of France.
When he returned to the small village of his birth, he was received as a hero. All men wanted to be him and all women wanted to be with him.
In the busy market place he spotted a beautiful girl, grabbed her by the waste and whispered i...

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A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

...

What did one stereo say to the other...

What did one stereo say to the other when he got called down to the office for having no bass?


"Oooooh you're in treble"

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A man requests a car to pick him up via an app on his phone.

It was a very cold winter day in the city. A man pulls out his phone and requests a car to pick him up. When the car arrives the man braves the brutal snow and wind to get to the car.He jumps in the back seat and the first words out of his mouth are "oooooh brrrr."

The driver responds, "Are y...

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The tale of the bear and the rabbit

A bear and a rabbit is sitting next to each other in the woods, taking a shit when the bear asks the rabbit. “Do you mind when you get shit stuck in your fur? “No.” says the rabbit. The bear then proceeds to wipe his ass with the rabbit.

A few weeks later, as both walk together they stumble ...

A stranger walks into a neighborhood bar (long)

A stranger walks into a neighborhood bar and hears a very strange conversation.

"Hey, Joey! Your wife is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits **around the house**!"

"Oh yeah, Bobby? 37!"

Bobby cringes as the crowd yells "oooooh" and laughs.

Joey then stands up...

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A cop walking his beat downtown late one Saturday night...

...comes across an inebriated fellow, stumbling around on the sidewalk in front of a bar. He approaches the drunkard, who is well plastered and hasn't yet seen him coming . "Evening, friend. How we doing tonight?"

"Oh officer," says the souse, " Am I glad to see you, sir! Listen, somebody...

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It's late on St. Patrick's day and a man is one of the last people at an Irish pub that's ready to close up. [NSFW]

Before heading out, the man goes to the bathroom to relieve himself.

He walks up to a urinal and notices that standing at the next urinal over is a very short person wearing s green coat, shoes with golden buckles, and a green top hat. He also can't help but notice that this little man appear...

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