UPJOKE

Low Price Jokes

My girlfriend left me because she said I focus too much on growing and giving away herbs for really low prices

Now I don't know what to do with all this free thyme on my hands

Why was a blonde crawling in the store?

She was looking for low prices.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day in the Garden of Eden God notices that Adam looks down in the dumps

"What's up Adam?" says God.
"Not to be ungrateful God, it's great here and everything but I'm lonely all on my own," replies Adam.
God thinks for a moment and says, "I know what, for a small price I'll create a woman for you and then you won't be lonely any more."
"A woman," says Adam...

There are a lot of scams on the internet...

For a low price of $69 I can show you how to avoid them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 18 year old supermodel is selling her virginity on eBay

For the low price of $80,000 you can have the worst sex of your life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do pirates go to get high quality goods for almost no money at all?

You might think they’d go to Walmarrrrrt for their every day low prices.

Or maybe Tarrrrrrrget for the barrrrrrgains.

Or Ebayyyye to buy used goods from other mateys.

But they’re pirates.

They don’t go to the store to get things. They go to sea and fucking steal shit....

Reddit

Some people think that Reddit is full of subliminal advertising.

That's crazy.

But not as crazy as the low, low prices found at Dave's Carpets, High Street, Wolverhampton.

Bartender's special

A man takes a seat at a bar and sees the menu hanging behind the bar that says a beer costs a nickel, a shot costs a dime, and a chicken dinner costs a quarter. He calls the bartender over and asks him how he can stay in business with such low prices. The bartender explains that he's not the owner b...

Lawyer Riddle

A high priced lawyer, a low priced lawyer and the tooth fairy are sitting at a table. There is a $20 bill in the middle of the table. All of a sudden, the lights in the room go off. When they come back on, the $20 bill is gone. Who took it?


The high priced lawyer, because the low priced l...

Want to hear a joke about Net Neutrality?

*I'm sorry, it appears that you've run out of Reddit for this month. Please contact your service provider to buy the Social Media Browsing Pack for the low price of $149.99.*

A man sees a sign in front of a house, "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner takes him to the back garden where the dog is tied to a post. "Can you talk?" asks the man. "Yep," says the dog."I discovered this gift when I was young. I decided to help the government, so I got in touch with the CIA. In no time they had me jetting from country to c...

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After a long, miserable day a man hears a knock at the door..

He walks to the door and opens it to find there's no one there. He assumes it must be the neighborhood kids messing with him, so he angrily slams the door and begins to walk away.
He takes a couple steps and hears the knock again. He lunges back and quickly opens the door, hoping to catch the kid...

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Talking Dog for Sale

A man was driving down a road and came across a sign in front of a house reading "Talking Dog for Sale." Out of curiosity he stops at the house and knocks on the door. An old man answers. The man asks, "I saw your sign saying that you have talking dog for sale." The old man replies, "I do. You ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, mouse and a frog in a bar

One fine evening a man, wearing a large overcoat walks in to one of the city's most expensive bars. He heads straight to the bar counter, leans over and tells the bartender,

Man: "I don't have any money but is there a chance you can give me a free beer?"

Bartender: "Huh? No way, don't...

Hello, God?

In an effort to combat religious bigotry, the leaders of the world's largest religions decided to show solidarity by organizing a world tour, where they would all visit each other in their respective seats of power.

The first stop on the tour was the Vatican where the Pope welcomed the group ...

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