UPJOKE

King Midas Jokes

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If Medusa, King Midas, and Oedipus raised a child together

That would be one stone, gold motherfucker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A coworker told me a joke about Oedipus and King Midas today.

It was motherfucking gold.

Why did none of the women King Midas dated want to marry him?

They got gold feet.

What was king Midas’ favorite pet?

A golden retriever

What do Wall Street and King Midas have in common?

Goldman Sachs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine if King Midas touched his wife...

... while having sex.

That’ll be fucking gold.

What did King Midas say to the young centaur?

Stay gold, ponyboy

What did King Midas say to get peoples attention?

Eh you!!

King Midas doesn't like baths

He likes golden showers.

King Midas got a Twitter account and stared to post pictures of things he'd turned to gold. Within a days time every single tweet would land at exactly 1000 likes and 1618 comments.

I guess you could say all of his tweets were golden ratioed.

Three wise kings debated gifts for an upcoming baby shower.

"I've got it!" the first proclaimed. "Myrrh! I'll get some from our stores! The mother could make all manner of perfumes and medicine!"

"Fantastic idea!" the second agreed, and he gasped, "Frankincense! I have a bit left over from a recent voyage! I'll bring some along!"

They turned ...

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