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Johny Jokes

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little Johny is Back

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my grandpa's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinat...

Teacher: What is 117 + 3?

Johny: 5!

Teacher: Correct..

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Little Johny: Dad, why do good people die young?

Dad: When you are in a garden, which flower will you pick?

Little Johny: The ugly ones

Dad: Exactl- wait... what? why?

Little Johny: Because ugly bitches don't belong in my garden

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Little Johny

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says " Mas-ter-bate."

Ms Hall smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Billy say...

Little Johny tells his teacher he is fast at math.

LJ: “Teacher, I am fast at math.”

T: “Ok. Then what is 2132 * 326?”

LJ: “371”

T: “That’s not even close”

LJ: “But it was fast”

Little Johny failed fourth grade so badly that the school put him in third grade

He failed third grade even worse that they had to put him in second grade.

Upon hearing the news that he failed second grade even more spectacularly and had to be demoted to first grade, his dad whispered to Johny's mom:

Tighten your underwear, he is coming back !!

Few months after their parents divorce, little Johny came home early ..

And heard moaning sounds coming from his mom's bedroom.

He peeked in and saw his mom completely naked and rubbing her crotch moaning " oh god, I need a man ,oh god, I need a man " .

Little Johny ignored it and left .

Few days later , when little Johny came home early , he heard ...

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Little Johny's mom dies and dad remarries

The stepmom is very loving and caring and always goes the extra mile to make Little Johny feel loved. One day the dad leaves town for a business trip. At night Little Johny has a nightmare and gets scared. So he goes upto his stepmom's room and enquires if he could sleep next to her, and she obliges...

Little Johny comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch...

His best friend, little Tommy, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tells his story: “I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent’s bedroom. I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I di...

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Little Johny's is neighbour lady storms into his house, looking absolutely furious.

'you need to keep an eye on your son', she yells angrily at Little Johny's mom.

'What happened?', asks Johny's mom.

'I walked in on him playing doctor with my little girl.' says the neighbour.

'Oh', says mom, 'Well it is perfectly natural for kids to be curious about each other...

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Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks,...

Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...

Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth mo...

Little Johny Joke :D

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom andsaw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next several months, he sawher doing this often. One day, he came homefrom school and heard her moaning differently.When he peeked i...

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Mother asks little Johny to go to a shop...

...but she only has a £50 note therefore she says to him "I'm giving you £50 and you have to buy bread, milk and butter only. Do not buy anything else and bring the change back."

As he was told, he goes to a shop but he sees a huge teddy bear for £50 and he buys it. He comes back home...

"I caught your Johny playing doctor with my Susie" shouted little Susie's mom

Little johny's mom :" you know kids, they are a bit inquisitive at times."

Little Susie's mom: "inquisitive?? He would have operated her tonsils out had I not caught them on time".

Johny's Mom Was Explaining Him The Benefits of Waking Early In The Morning.

"See", she said, "Those birds who wake early get most of the insects to eat."

"I understand Mom", replied Johnny, "But what happens to the insects who rise early?"

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One day Little Johny saw his grandad smoking...

He asked his grandad 'Can I have a cigarette?' His grandad says 'Can your dick touch your ass?' 'No' said Little Johny. 'Well then you can't have a cigarette. A few minutes later, he sees grandad chugging a beer. He asks,'Can I have a beer?' Once again, the grandpa asks 'Can your dick touch your as...

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Classic Little Johny Joke :P

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, butwhen the te...

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Johny, a horny 16 year old is doting on his teacher, and he decides to ask her out.

"Excuse me, Mrs Elizabeth, I think I'm in love with you".

"Sorry Johny, but I'm too old for children", says Mrs. Elizabeth.

Johny- "Of course, that's why we'll use protection."

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Little Johny and the Pickle

Little Johny is sitting in the back of the classroom when the teacher draws a pickle on the blackboard and asks the class to tell her what it is. Naturally, Little Johny's hand shoots into the air. Just as naturally, the teacher ignores him because the teacher has had enough of Little Johny's anti...

Teacher Vs Intellegent Johny

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Little Johny comes home one day...

Little Johny came home from school one day, and while walking down the hall to his room, happened to look into his parent's room. He saw his mom laying on the bed with dad on top, going at it. At that moment, his dad looked over, and gave a little half grin to Little Johny all while going at it hard...

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Little Johny and the Cop (OR: 'Tis the Season)

It's Christmas morning and Little Johny got the brand new, 10 speed bike that he's wanted for months. After the usual present unwrapping merriment, Little Johny runs outside with his bike and starts riding it around. As he rides, Little Johny passes a cop on horseback. The cop follows Little John...

Teacher: "What's 1 minus 1?"

Johny: "1 minus 1?"

Teacher: "Yes. If you subtract one from one, what do you get?"

Johny: "One."

Teacher: "No, Johny, Try again."

Johny: "Two."

Teacher: "Ok, let's do it this way: if you have only one potato chip left in a frying pan and you take it out of the pan,...

How to loose belly fat

Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.

Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy’s stomach last night?

Mom: Johny you’re old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so ...

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Little Johnnys mother recently gave birth to his brother little jimmy

Now little johny is jealous of all the attention and the gifts that his new brother little Jimmy is getting from his parents and neighbors. Evil little johny decides to poison him

One night when his mother was sleeping, little johny took some poison and applied it to her breasts and lips so t...

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My fallback joke that I've been telling for about 20 years at this point.

A teacher isn't seeing much engagement in her class so, she decides to get the students more involved she offers up a proposition.

She tells all of her students that every Friday she is going to ask a "Question of the Day", if the students can get it right they can take the day off of school ...

We have only one Mother

I don't know if it translates well but here is a joke from my country

Teacher asked kids to construct a sentence ending with "We have only one Mother"

So the first kid stands up and says:
"My Mother loves me so much she wakes up an hour earlier everyday just to prepare me food for s...

It's a boy

Once little johny was playing in the park when a pregnant woman passes by him.

Little Johny says "So, it's a boy, this time"

Woman, amused, asks him
" How do you know ?"

Little johny replies
" I could see his moustache, through your pant's zipper "

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Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

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Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.

Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"

Teacher: Used for?

Susan: I think headache

Teacher: Good

Musa: PIRITON

Teacher: used for?

Musa: Helps in sleeping..

Teacher: Excellent!!

Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA

Teacher (nearly f...

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A teacher asked her class "What is sex?"

Johny got up and said:

"Sex is a *temptation*

Caused by a *sensation*

Where a boy sticks his *location*

Into a girls *destination*

To increase *population*

For the next *generation*

Did you get my *explanation*

Or so you need a *demonstration?*...

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A cake joke for my cake day

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks,


“What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away.


So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises...

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Two brothers decide they're old enough to start cursing

So one morning little six year old Johny grabs his little 4 year old brother Jimmy and pulls him into the closet under the stairs.

Johny- "Jimmy, I think it's time we started cursing. I'm going to say, DAMN."

Jimmy - "Yeah yeah yeah, damn! Damn!"

Johny- "No Jimmy you need your ...

Booze man

Little Johny comes to his drunk uncle:
-Uncle, you should stop drinking

-Ahh Johny, I am too old to stop now.

-But, Uncle, it is never too late to stop.

-Then I have plenty of time before I stop, my dear Johny.

Little Johnny comes to class with a swollen nose..

Teacher " what happened ?"

Little Johny : I tried to smell a brose .

Teacher : there is no 'b' in a rose.

Little Johnny : well there was one in the one I smelled.

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In biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the blackboard:

"Children, could someone tell me what is this?"
Johny raises his hand: "It's a dick, teacher!"
The teacher bursts into tears and runs out. Shortly, the principal rushes in:
"All right, what did you do now? Which one of you brought your teacher to tears? And who the hell drew that dick o...

school

Mother: "How was school today, Johny?"

Jonhy: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Jonhy: "What school?"

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Dirty Johnny

A teacher is teaching class one day and tells her students 'today I'm going to say a letter of the alphabet and I want you to give me a word that starts with that letter'

"The first letter is 'A'"

Dirty Johnny's hand flies up.

'No' the teacher thinks 'he's gonna say"ass". A mom...

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A 3rd grade teacher...

Prepares her 9 year olds for a writing class.

Teacher: “class we will be learning how to write without lifting your pencil off the paper!”

Little Johnny: “I know how to do that!”

Teacher: “You know how to write without lifting off the page!”

Little Johnny : “Yes ma’am t...

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Yea, right.

Johnny was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and ...

Little Susie comes home crying to her mom....

Mom: what happened ?

Susie : today I had an argument with little Johny and he pulled down his pants and pointed at his wee wee and said ' I'm a boy so I have this , you are a girl ,so you don't have this '

Mom : don't worry darling , when you grow up , if you are a good girl , you can...

A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it.

This one is round and red."
Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored.
"It's a plum miss," said a girl.
"no it's an apple, but i like your thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green."
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss."
No, i...

Pakistani Kid, American Kid

Just read this one somewhere...

A Pakisitani boy got admission in an American school.

Teacher: What's your name?

Boy: Ahmad

Teacher: No, now you are in America your name is Johny from today.

Boy went home.

Mom Asked: how was the day Ahmad?

Boy: I a...

Little Johnny's b day

It was little Johnny's 8th b day. His mom was about to take a shower when little Johnny asked her if he can shower with her.

Little Johnny's mom said no.
Johnny said that it was her b day and she finally said yes.

In the shower little Johnny looked up a little and asked his mom wh...

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4 birds sitting on a powerline

Teacher: There are four birds sitting on a powerline and a farmer shoots one, how many birds are left?

Johnny raises his hand and the teacher calls on him.
Johnny: There are none left cause when the farmer shot the one, the other ones flew away.

Teacher: Well Johnny for the purpose ...

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a dead frog on a leash

little Johny goes walking down the street with a flat frog on a leash.
He goes straight to a brothel and says, "I need a women"
The house mistress is clearly not buying this boy.
"are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"I've got the money and I'm not leaving until I get what a came ...

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Question for the Class

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the be...

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Little Johnny goes camping

Little Johnny's Second Grade class is going camping for a class field trip. As nighttime comes, all the children get set up in their tents and get ready to fall asleep. A few hours go by, a storm approaches and thunder begins clapping, and little Johnny can't seem to sleep. Little Johnny gets out of...

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