UPJOKE
hypotheticaltheoreticaltheoreticconjecturalsupposedsupposititiousdivinatorysuppositionalsuppositiouscounterfactualteleologicalplausibleprioricosmologicalontological

Hypothetic Jokes

...and the bartender said: “we don't serve hypothetical faster-than-light particles here!”

A tachyon walks into a bar...

What Do You Call A Hypothetical Group Of Ravens?

A conspiracy theory!

Trump and Biden tied in a hypothetical 2024 matchup: poll

5% for Biden, 5% for Trump, and 90% said, "God no!".

Why do women only talk about hypothetical situations?

I don't know, but I if I did I'd tell you all about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

What do you call a hypothetical situation where a snake chases an asian from point A to point B

A Python-Korean Theorum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the hypothetical official squash of incest porn?

Probably a pump kin

For people who are unable entertain a hypothetical,

could you first imagine a life where you could..

Would you remarry?

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul...

Hypothetical class situation.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife recently asked me: "Hypothetically speaking, if you could have sex with any person in the world, whether real or fictional, who would you choose?"

Apparently, 'Karen' was not the right answer.

What do you call a hypothetically sliced apple?

A core concept.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Younger son: Dad, whats the difference between 'hypothetically' & 'reality'?

Son: Dad,whats the difference between 'hypothetically' & 'reality'?

Dad turns to wife: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million?

Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity.

Then Dad asks daughter: Would you sleep Tom Cruise for 1 Million?

Daughter...

Try to think of a world without hypotheticals.

You can't.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was this judge who just sentenced a man

The man asked the judge,

“Hypothetically, what would happen if I called you a motherfucker?”

The judge answered “If you were to call me a motherfucker, then I would sentence you for contempt to the court and you would spend the night in jail”

“Alright, said the man, but what if ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke Walks into a Bar. [OC]

A Joke walks into a bar and the Bartender says "Wait... this isn't right."

The Joke says "Listen, quickly! I have little time to explain! You and I are but characters living in a hypothetical reality, being puppeteered by some inconceivable monster telling a joke! It's not even a good joke ei...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Probably unoriginal, thought of this over dinner

What do you call a hypothetical situation where two men in wheelchairs, wielding guns face each other, ready to fire?

Well you can't call it a stand-off, that's for sure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three girls walk into a bar

Three girls walk into a bar looking for a job. They hand their resumes to the hiring manager. The manager says "As much as I would like to hire all of you, I only have room for one of you. Since your resumes are so similar when it comes to work experience, I will hire the girl that best responds ...

Safety critical software

I am a software engineer and I work on safety critical software (I design autonomous vehicles). I travel around the world, speaking at various software engineering conferences. I was recently invited to speak at the premier aviation conference in the world on the subject of writing safety critical s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proof that Santa doesn’t exists

There are about 2 billion children on earth. But Santa does not have to visit Muslims, Hindus, Jews or Buddhists, which reduces the number to 15% or 378 million. Thus, with a world average of 3.5 children per household, there are 108 million households to visit if we can assume that there are at le...

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother superior is doing the orientation ...

of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have sex with you?"

"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
...

A non-smoker says to a smoker "Excuse me, would you mind smoking somewhere else?"

The smoker replied, "Hypothetically, yes."

Oops.... I said that!!!

On the bedside, a couple is having a hypothetical discussion :

Wife: What would you do if i died? Would you get married again?


Husband: No...how can I think of marrying?


Wife: Why not? You would need company, you would have many years to live, so you should get married....

50 zlotys

Wlodek, a rural farmer, has decided that might be safer not keeping his money under the mattress. So he takes his horse and cart and goes off to the nearest town to talk to the bank.
"Right," says Wlodek, "I want to make sure my 50 zlotys are safe. Like, what happens if someone robs you and takes...

Grass Stains

Two long time friends are in a bar. One says to the other:

"Dude, hypothetically speaking, if you woke up one day in the middle of the woods with a raging hangover, no idea how you got there, grass stains round your knees, no pants and a sore ass, would you tell your wife?"

Other guys...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I gave you a million dollars

Man to woman: Let me ask you a hypothetical question. If I gave you a million dollars, would you have sex with me?

Woman: Well, I guess for a million dollars I probably would.

Man: Great! I really only have twenty bucks, so let's have sex!

Woman: Hey, are you calling me a prosti...

Two Mormon bishops are going for a walk...

They have been friends for years. One turns and says, "We've been so close for so long. Tell me, hypothetically, if you had two yachts, would you give me one?"

The other bishop says, "Why, you baptised my son! Of course I would give you one!"

"Then tell me, hypothetically, if you had t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy starts working on an oil rig in Newfoundland

...he meets the boss of the company, is introduced to his duties and works hard for 3 months. His supervisor is impressed by his work and tells him:

"You've been working your ass off and deserve break, here are the keys to the company car, go into town and have yourself a good time"

Th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.