Hot Woman Jokes - 17 Hilarious Hot Woman Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three young men hit on a hot woman at a club.

After a few drinks and a lot of small talk, she brings them back to her place and says she's going to change into something more comfortable. When she reappears, she's wearing a skintight leather suit.

"You boys want to know what I do for fun?" she asks, a malicious grin creeping across her f...

Hot woman gets on a full bus

There are several guys sitting, and as the bus leaves, none of them offer her a seat. They won't even make eye contact.

After a few seconds, to no-one in particular, she says, "I can't believe how rude men are today. To leave a woman in... my condition, standing on a bus! My grandma would be ...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a hot woman at the gym what her New Year's Resolution is.

She replied "Fuck you". I'm pretty excited about the upcoming year!

A hot woman was standing in a bus.

A kid saw her standing, got up and said, "hey lady, you can sit here. I've vacated my place for you."

At this, woman got real livid and slapped the kid.

"These days you can't even be nice to anybody", said the boy and went back to sit on his father's lap.

upvote

downvote

report

The hot woman at the end of the bar caught an old man staring at her.

"Are you staring at me?" She asked the man.
"Well," he replied. "It's just that you look just like my 6th wife."
"6th wife?!" she exclaimed. "How many times have you been married?"
"5 times."

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking with his camel in the desert and he was so horny

so he decided to fuck the camel so he tried to put his dick in the camel but the camel moved it’s ass left and right so he couldn’t , so he decided to keep going with the camel in the desert until he heard a scream for help he went there and found a very hot woman sinking in quick sand so he saved h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies

his friends didn't know how to inform his wife, so the best friend went there and told the wife

\-There's something you need to know, your husband was fired from his job three months ago

\-what? then what is he doing outside all day long since then ? and how did ...

Three men die and go to heaven.

God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventua...

upvote

downvote

report

Sermon

There was a young priest who was having trouble both writing and delivering his sermons. So he asked his Bishop for help.

The wise old Bishop said, "Well you might start with something to attract and hold their attention, such as, 'Last night I was in the warm embrace of a good woman,' that w...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man meets a genie that will grant him 2 wishes

The man says: I want 5 million dollars.

The genie gives the man a briefcase filled with money and asks : what’s the other wish?

The man replies: I want a hot woman that will fuck me every night.

The genie says: a woman will stop by this evening and she’ll fuck you every night....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny ask his dad: "where do babies come from?"

His dad awnsers: "Well babies come from the stork of course."

Johnny: "So the world is full of hot woman and my dad fucks a stork!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Learned this one when I was like 8 or 9.

A really hot woman stays up waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve. Just as she’s about to fall asleep she finally hears footsteps on the roof and seconds later, out pops Santa from the fireplace!

Hi Santa! Will you please stay? I put out cookies for you!

“Ho ho ho! Gotta go, gotta go! Got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homeless man is walking through a park...

He sits next to a man on a bench. A hot woman walks by.

Man: "Can I tickle your ass with a feather?"

Woman: "Excuse me?!!!?"

Man: "I said it's particularly nice weather."

Woman: "Oh, um, yes it is."

She keeps walking. Bum is thinking 'what the fuck?'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pick-up lines

I sat next to a hot woman at a bar and said to her, "I'd like to tell you a story about my penis but it is too long."

She said, "I'd like to tell you a joke about my vagina but you won't get it.”

A man goes up to a hot girl

A man goes up to a hot girl in the supermarket and says, “I’ve lost my wife somewhere. Can you talk to me for a few minutes?” The woman is confused and asks, “Why talk to me?”

The guy says, “Because every time I talk to a hot woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

upvote

downvote

report

I saw my dad staring out the window and asked him what he was looking at.

“That hot woman from next door is changing with the blinds open. Quick!” He said.

I raced over to the window but she had already gone.

I guess I missed the window of opportunity.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat man is watching television

He is desperate about his weight situation, all of the sudden he sees an advertisement about losing weight on a tv channel, the woman on the tv shows 3 lose weight secrets that can be deliver to your house but without knowing what the actual product is, she also mentions to be aware of the third on...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.