UPJOKE

Has Anyone Seen Jokes

Has anyone seen my marzipan cake?

I think it was stollen.

Has anyone seen today's date?

Apparently it can't be found.

Has anyone seen Jake from State Farm?

Is anyone else care State Farm is gaslighting us? Or is this one of those Mandela Effect situations?

Has anyone seen the 1985 film Orion's Belt?

It wasn't that great, I give it 3 stars.

Has anyone seen my chiropractor joke? I think I lost it here.

It would’ve been about a week back.

Has anyone seen the movie Constipated?

Wait, it's not out yet.

Hey, has anyone seen the new deer burgers they sell at Walmart?

I heard they only cost a buck.

I ordered a balloon on aliexpress

Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Has anyone seen the movie "Constipation"?

Oh that's right, it hasn't come out yet.

It's probably shit anyway.

Has anyone seen my gone in 60 seconds DVD?

It was here a minute ago

Two Irishmen on a Trian

Two Irishmen are walking down the isle of a passenger train car, asking, "Is their a priest here? Has anyone seen a priest of this train? No one answers, and they go on to the next car.

A few minutes later, they come back, asking, "Is there a rabbi here? Has anyone seen a Rabbi on the trai...

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The Missing Cock [nsfw]

The village priest went out to collect his freshly laid eggs on Sunday morning and realised his cockerel was missing.
At morning service he decided to ask his parishioners if they had seen it.
"Has anyone got a cock?" the priest asked.

All the men stood up!
"No, no," said the priest,...

A priest has a weiner dog which he loves.

One day when he woke up to feed him, the priest didn't find him. So he asked the local residents to come so he can ask about his dog.
He asked them:

"Does anybody have a weiner?"

So all the men stood up,

"No no that's not what I meant, has anyone seen a weiner?"

So all...

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The Priests Rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

A man came up to me in the park.

"Excuse me," he said, leaning on the bench, "have you seen a dog with five legs?"

"A dog with five legs?" I laughed. "Don't be daft, dogs only have four."

He sighed.

Then hopped off, shouting, "Has anyone seen my prosthetic limb?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest owns poultry

A cock is missing.
He runs around looking for it and reaches the sunday mass, where he asks - anyone has a cock? All men say yes.
No, no he says, I mean has anyone seen a cock, rephrasing? All women say yes.
No no he says, now agitated, has anyone seen my cock! All the nuns raise t...

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The priest lost his cockerel one day

At mass, he asks
"Does anyone have a cock?" to which all the men stand up.
"No, that's not what I mean! Has anyone seen a cock?" to which all the women stand up.
"No no no! Gosh, has anyone seen a cock that isn't theirs?" and half the women stand up.
"God dammit! Alright, has anyone see...

Oops I missed a week

Has anyone seen my last post on here about me and my brother's spime surgery?

It was about 2 weak backs

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!

Has anyone seen my watch?

That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?

Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly ...

A sheriff walks into a bar...

A sheriff walks into a bar and says, "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?  He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants and a brown paper jacket."


The bartender says, "What's he wanted for?"


"Rustlin'."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lion is taking a peaceful drink out of a jungle stream, when a gorilla spots him through the trees

The gorilla sneaks up behind the lion, grabs his hindquarters, and screws him up the butt


The lion roars out and the gorilla takes off through the trees. The gorilla manages to stretch out his lead a bit, when he comes on a camp. The gorilla decides to disguise himself as a human on saf...

On Sunday, a user posted the joke "Jesus"...which was quickly buried...

Its been 3days, has anyone seen it?

Dark as charcoal

A mother goes to the kindergarten to pick up her daughter.

She arrives to a nightmarish scene, the whole place is crawling with fireman, emergency vehicles and panicked parents, the kindergarten caught on fire, smoke everywhere.

She runs around frantically calling for her daughter: "Am...

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