Hard Day Jokes - 19 Hilarious Hard Day Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a ?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the bartender, "What the is that?"

The bartender replies, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap shouts back, " me! How big are the cats?"

What did the spotted lanternfly get after a hard day's work?

The boot.

What did Gods son do after a hard days carpentry?

Jesus swept

A woman comes home after a hard day of work . . .

and she decides she wants to pamper herself by having a milk bath. She calls a nearby grocery store and asks the manager if she can get 30 gallons of milk.

"For what?" he says

"I want to pamper myself by bathing in milk," she says.

"Pasteurized?" he asks.

"No, just up to ...

A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work...

when he is stopped by a policeman.
"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.
"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."
"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.
"Well," sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a hard day at work, my boss cornered me in the change rooms.

She is a beautiful but intimidating woman. She looked at me and said "I'd like you to take off my blouse". With some nervousness I said "ok, sure" she then said "can you unbutton and remove my skirt too please". She lastly asked for me to take off her bra and as well. To which I also obliged...

If you're having a hard day but you've got some new plants, think about them.

They're rooting for you.

After a long hard day my wife asked to cook her an Hawaiian pizza!

She wasn’t to happy to see i’d burnt her dinner, after all I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work...

He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks the man if he'd like a little live music. The man says "sure". The bartender snaps his fingers, and out of a little door at the end of the bar comes a little man in a tuxedo who only stands about a foot high. The little man walks ove...

What did the dog say after a hard day at work ?

"Today sure was ruff"

Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit , thought i'd share it :P

Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini

He's hardly sat down before he's finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate she does so. Again Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.

At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says "Three martinis? Bef...

So a piece of string walks into a bar after a really hard day at work

He sits down and says, "bartender I've had a really hard day. I need a drink"
And the bartender says, "what? You're a string I can't serve you!"
So the string walks out and then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a knot and undoes and messes up his ends. Then he goes back in and the bartender...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home from a hard day at work

And sits down in his recliner. His wife comes up and he immediately cries "honey hurry grab me a beer it's about to start!" Looking confused she goes and grabs him a beer. He chugs and and yells "hurry honey get me one more beer it's about to start!" "What's about to start?" She replied angrily. " i...

A man comes home from a hard days work

And says to his wife "there's no food ready on the table! That's the third time this week! We need to have a talk!"

The wife says "you know what, I wake up at 5:30 in the morning, make your lunch, make breakfast, get the kids ready for school, take them to school, come back home, clean the ho...

(Stolen but golden) Stevie Wonder is in the recording studio at the end of a long hard day.

He's chewing the fat with a few of the technicians.

One of them asks:

“It must be hard being blind Stevie.”

To which Stevie replies:

“Yep, it's hard but at least I'm not black.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr Wright (Slightly )

Read this a while ago, still probably my favourite joke, and felt I should share it for those who haven't seen it before.
A lawyer gets home after a long trial in which it was decided his client-Mr Wright-would be hanged later that night. He is greeted at the door by his wife.
"You're home lat...

A man purchased a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him....

He took his new Benz out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I mixed up my Adderall and yesterday...

I ended up having a really hard day at work.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.