UPJOKE

Expensive Restaurant Jokes

What do you call an expensive restaurant?

Dine & Whine

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The wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night.

She said "The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous"

Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.

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A man got together enough money to take his dream girl to an expensive restaurant

She started ordering the most expensive things on the menu – lobster, caviar, champagne….

He said, “Wow! Does your mother feed you like that at home?”

“No,” she said,

“But my mother isn’t expecting a blowjob.”

Two well dressed lawyers, Milind Kale and Ram Jethmalani went to an expensive restaurant...

They ordered 2 coffees
and then took out sandwiches from their briefcases to eat...

Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...

The lawyers quietly looked at each other and
EXCHANGED their sandwiches & continued their meals!
<...

I went to a expensive restaurant last night and I got a meal and a bottle of champagne for free.

They do it for everyone who jumps out of the toilet window and runs off.

A fine-looking gentleman sat down in the main dining room of an expensive restaurant.

He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.

After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter.

"Ah, my friend," he said, "that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn'...

I wouldn't say Scotsmen are cheap but...

A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the most expensive restaurants in The world. After the meal their waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just gae the check to me".

Headlines in the local newspaper next day ...

Sandwiches

Two attorneys went into an expensive restaurant and ordered two waters. They sat down, took sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite upset and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged thei...

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The Choking Boy

While eating at an expensive restaurant all the diners are disturbed when a woman starts screaming "My son's choking!, he has swallowed a large chunk of steak and can't breath!, please anyone help." Without speaking, a man stands up at a nearby table, and walks over nonchalantly. Smiling pleasantly...

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Two blonds are having tea

Two blondes are having tea.

Blonde 1: I was on a date last night. With an intelectual.

Blonde 2: And how did it go?

Blonde 1: Well, he took me to an expensive restaurant, then we saw an opera and then we went to his home and he showed me his penis.

Blonde 2: What's a peni...

Luck

"How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant. "Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"

The rich guy and a beggar...

A rich guy gets off his limo and walks to a beggar.
"Hi, I'm John, and you are...?"
"I'm God!" replied the beggar.
"No, seriously, you can't be God! What's your real name!"

And they keep arguing until the rich guy says "Alright, if you prove me you're God, I'll give you a million bu...

My grandfather used to tell me this one all the time, it's cheesy but a classic to me.

A wealthy man walks into a very very expensive restaurant with his guests. The waiter comes over and asks him "what would you like?" The man says, "give me the most expensive steak on the menu."

A bit later the stake comes out. A hundred dollar steak. He tastes it. He calls the waiter over. T...

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A friend told me this, and he might have got it from reddit so this might be a repost but here it goes [Long]

3 best friends decide to travel to an lonely little island somewhere near the Bahamas in the hopes of having a relaxing camping trip, for old time’s sake.

They arrive by water plane, and the pilot informs them that he’ll be returning to pick them up the next day. The men, happy to finally be ...

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