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Down The Drain Jokes

If a firefighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain...

...can a hooker get laid off?

I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.

13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren’t mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"

The cop, obviously in ...

I emptied my lemonade bottle down the drain and filled it with my urine, in hopes of catching my roommate in the act.

I learned the following morning that I had the uncanny ability of sleep-drinking.

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Little Johnny was playing with his favorite car out front of his house when he accidentally lost it down the drain.

Johnny starts swearing his head off when the local priest walks past.

"Johnny, you shouldn't swear like that. God's everywhere"

"Bullshit, he can't be everywhere at once" says Johnny.

"But he is. He's around us as we speak" replies the priest.

"OK" says Johnny, "Is he at ...

How many anorexics does it take to change a shower head?

I'm not sure - they keep slipping down the drain

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I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

That's 8 months of training down the drain

Exasperated, she asked her spouse "Please stop peeing in the shower, it's gross."

He frowned, retorting defensively "Oh come on, hun! It's not that big a deal. A bunch of people pee in the shower. It just washes down the drain..."

She sighed before offering a compromise. "Fine, but can you at least not do it while I'm the one taking a shower?"

The Monkees visit a bar every Tuesday...

Each time they visit, they never finish their drinks, leaving them for the waiter to tidy up.

One night, the waiter approaches Micky Dolenz:

"Excuse me sir, you waste $30 on drinks every Tuesday that just get thrown down the drain. Why do you do it?"

Micky turns to the waiter an...

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My wife gets mad at me for peeing in the shower.

I keep explaining to her it's the best way to break the poop up into smaller pieces, so it goes down the drain. She just doesn't understand.

Peanuts

There was a priest in a church, listening to people's confessions. One day, a boy came up to him.

"Father, forgive me, for I have sinned," the boy said.

"Okay, what is your confession?" the priest asked.

"I threw peanuts down the drain"

The priest was very confused, neve...

Why did the plumber cry ?

Cause all his hard work went down the drain.

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What did the rectum say to the toilet?

There goes all my hard work, down the drain.

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I had 12 bottles of whisky in my basement.

However, my wife did not approve of this ownership of liquor, so she asked me to dispose of it in the sink. And since I didn't dare oppose her, I commenced my precarious mission thus:

I pulled the cork out of the first bottle, and poured the contents down the drain, except for one glass which...

A passerby walks past a sewer manhole and sees an old man inside, waist deep, going through the sewage...

He asks... “ What are you doing down there??.?”

Old man replies:” Looking for my denture... I accidentally dropped it into the toilet and flushed it down the drain....”

Passer: “Surely you don’t expect to find it?!”

Old man:” Of course I do, already found three, but none of them...

[NSFW] What does China and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

Cleaning up the bloody mess by spraying it down the drain

Peeing is like your future

Except clearer, and there's no question it's going down the drain.

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My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffe...

... and smiled and said "Ahh, it's like making love in a canoe". I asked "it's that good?" and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eyes and said "no, it's fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain.

My wife was yelling at me this morning for going to the bathroom in the shower. I don't know what her problem is

I squished it all down the drain with my feet.

What happened to r/showerthoughts?

They went down the drain.

How do you know if you'll like sailing?

Put on a thick yellow raincoat, and stuff it with hundred dollar bills. Step into the shower, turn it on full blast and it's coldest temperature, and just start stuffing those bills down the drain. If you've managed to somehow enjoy yourself doing this, you might just be crazy enough to enjoy sailin...

My wife got mad at me for buying $10,000 worth of toilet paper.

She said i was flushing all of our money down the drain.

I just bought a bottle of Drano...

Well that was $4 down the drain.

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If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one ...

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A Vegetative State

The other night, my wife and I were watching TV when the newscaster announced the death of Dr. Jack Kervorkian.

So we started to talk about suicide, assisted suicide, and the right to death. The discussion led to being hooked up to a machine that was keeping you alive.

I told her, "Hon...

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A man calls to check in with his wife...

...and his 5 year old son answers the phone.

The father says, "He son, is your mom there?"

Son says, "Ya daddy, she is in her room with Uncle Bill."

The father knows that there is no "Uncle Bill". He is thinking to himself that damn bitch, I can't believe she is doing this. ...

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The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

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Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have ...

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