Doctor to patient: Don't worry, It's pretty common to get an erection during a rectal examination
Patient: I don't have an erection.. Doctor: But I do.
Doctor to Patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
Doctor to patient: I've got bad news & worse news...
Patient: Give me the bad first.
Dr: Ok. Your diagnosis told us you only have 48 hours to live.
P: Oh god! What could be worse news than that?
Dr: I've been trying to reach you since early yesterday morning.
Doctor to patient - We have finally figured out
Why your pain isn't going away.
Patient - why?
Doctor - Even though these pills are called analgesics, they are supposed to be taken by mouth.
Doctor to patient with gash on forehead: "What was the last thing you heard before the helicopter rotor hit you?"
"Someone shouting 'Duck, duck go!'"
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