UPJOKE

Different Kinds Of Jokes

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A family is having dinner at the table one evening, when the son asks the father, "Dad, how many different kinds of boobs are there?" The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering...

"Well, my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions."

The son is confused and asks, "Onions?"

The fathe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that there are 4 different kinds of orgasms?

There are the positive ones, "yes, yes, yes oh yes! "
There are the negative ones, "no, no, no oh no!"
There are the religious ones, "God, God, God, oh my God!"
And there are the fake ones, (insert name of person you're telling it to) moan (name again)

They’re 3 different kinds of people in this world

Those that can count, and those that can’t.

A kindergarten teacher was telling her students about different kinds of animals.

"Whales are the largest" she said, "but they can't swallow people, because their throats are too small."
"But in the Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale", said a little girl. "You can't always believe what you read", the teacher replied. "Well, when I go to heaven", said the little...

I just ate a sandwich with slices from two different kinds of bread

It was a cross-bread sandwich

In chemistry different kinds of solutions can have different charges but do you khat kind of solution has a charge of -6 million?

The final solution

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Different kinds of sex through marriage

When a couple gets married, they have the tradition of having sex in every room in the house.

After some years they have only bedroom sex.

When they get old, they have what is called hallway sex.
Basically what happens is they pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck You"

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.

[OC] I went shopping with my wife yesterday....

She looked at lipsticks for over 30 minutes but she didn't buy any

She tried 20 kinds of perfumes but none of them were good enough

She tested 10 different kinds of mascaras but she didn't like any of them

She read the labels of all the blushes just to finally walk out empty han...

Saw a man at the supermarket today who was saying the most nasty things while walking up and down the aisle, picking different kinds of breakfast-food off the shelves, shouting at the boxes and putting them back again. I asked the manager what his problem was.

Turns out the guy's a cereal offender.

A man and his wife are out to dinner when the wife drops spaghetti

Wife: “Dang it! I look like a pig!”

Husband: “And you spilled on your shirt.”

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Newlywed husband wants to go to bar

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

... ...

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wi...

A German a French and an English man crash with their plane on an island.

Immediately they start to explore the island and encounter a native tribe.

The chieftain of the tribe commands everyone of those 3 to get into the jungle and gather 2 different kinds of fruits, otherwise he has to banish them from the island.

First the English man arrives back at the c...

A father takes his son on a fishing trip

On their tiny boat, Little Tommy realises that that the floor is covered in a mess of different nets. He looks up to dad and asks, "Dad, why do we need so many kinds of nets?"

Dad smiles gently and looks into his young son's eyes.

"Back in my day, when I went fishing with my own dad we...

A tale of colonial Pennsylvania

When William Penn first started settling the area, he of course moved his extended family with him. Two of his aunts found great success in selling many different kinds of pies. And very quickly the sisters realized they could make a lot more money if the raised their prices. Well long story short, ...

True story...I was getting a hair cut...

...and wanted to start a conversation with the lady cutting my hair. Maybe she likes birds, so I tried, "This morning when I opened my garage door I heard six different kinds of bird song in the first 30 seconds."

"Yeah, I guess." OK, she is not interested in birds. Maybe sports, "This weeken...

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be...

A father and his son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait.

Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example."

The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line.

Son: "What h...

There was a guy who wanted a vegetable garden

Being the artistic person that he is, he decided to grow different kinds of vegetables in a four concentric circles in his garden around a trimmed, flowery bush in the center of the garden. In the outermost circle, to ward off animals, he planted chili growing plants. In the next circle, he planted ...

Some actors are famous for playing the same role in multiple movies, but none so much as Lee Navarre.

Lee Navarre had starred in a couple of low budget films like Greta's Gallery and Fisherman Flanagan, but no one really took note of him till he was seen in the first movie of the mystery series "When Midnight Chimes". As we all know, it was an instant hit and Navarre gained a lot of critical acclaim...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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