Idea credit goes to a random redditor on a random askreddit thread about stereotypes

A man goes up to his friend and asks him:

"What do you think is the most infuriating stereotype about men that people always talk about?"

His friend replies:

"I hate it when people say that men can't multitask. Whenever I hear someone say that, I have to stop what I'm doing so t...

AskReddit is 16 years old next month ...

Typical teenager, it has an answer for everything.

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Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

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The sexiest mythological creature is Medusa

Whenever I see her I get rock hard

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

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Found this on AskReddit

A farmer went to the market to buy a rooster to mate with his hens. Another farmer sold him one and warned him how horny the rooster was.

The farmer took the rooster home and as soon as he put it into the pen, it has sex with every chicken. 10 minutes later it then had sex with every chicken ...

r/AskReddit: Colorblind people of reddit. Do you see a man/woman sleeping with lots of people as a red flag?

Or is it just gray for you?

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An Engineer Goes To Hell (repost from r/AskReddit, all credit to armaha)

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..."
At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on ...

Found on AskReddit

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar and begin drinking. Soon they noticed a large glass vase of gold coins in the corner and asked the barman what was it there for.

The Barman told then: "that is there is the prize for anyone who can 1:Drink a full bottle of tequila in two mi...

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A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks “mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's n...

What's a way to tell that someone is sleep deprived?

Sorry I thought this was AskReddit

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Two Italians are on a bus (x-post /r/askreddit)

...in America, I heard one of them say to the other, "Emma comes first, then I come, two asses come together, then I come again. Two asses come together one more time, then I, pee twice, then I come again." So I look at him and tell him we don't discuss our sex life in public, he told me, "I'm not...

[AskReddit] I read that 4,156,257 people got married this year....

....not to cause any problems, but shouldn't that be an even number?

My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit)

Some bullet points about my Dad:

* Has a BMW trophy car
* Loves golf
* Loves Steak
* Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal)
* Balding (but so am I...)
* His shoulder and knee have needed surgery
* Worked everyday of his life since he was 15
* Raised 3 kids
*...

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Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer then n...

What do you call a goat that likes cleaning?

A roomba-a-aa-aa.


(you have to make a goat sound when saying it)

Great joke from the "Bad Roommates" thread in /r/askreddit

>Person 1: Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
>
>Person 2: No.
>
>Person 1: So it was you!


http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/peq8g/how_bad_was_your_roommate/c3ornyx?context=1

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A redditor goes to the doctor for mumps... (copypasta from an askreddit thread)

"I had the mumps during my first year of college, and along with that I got Orchitis (swelling of the testicles caused by the mumps) in my left nut, which swelled up to the size of a potato. It was really painful and heavy so I had to carry it everywhere for a while. So I went to the doctors, he che...

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce? (x-post from askreddit)

Worsheshershershosh.

A friend told me that there are no stupid questions.

I told him to AskReddit

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man.

Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact.

A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman'...

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaaains!

Stolen from /u/tinyahjumma comment on r/askreddit

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake.

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as t...

A family of Tortoise go on a picnic

A family of tortoise (Momma Tortoise, Daddy Tortoise, Uncle Tortoise, and Baby Tortoise) decide to go on a picnic. They pack up their hamper and begin their journey to the park.

A week later, they get to the park and unwrap their hamper and realize they've forgotten the salad dressing. They p...

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I've been offered a job as a medieval escort.

Unfortunately, it means I will have to work fucking knights.

[Source](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/31epih/what_have_you_been_most_tempted_to_do_but_never/cq0v158?context=1) (It needed a wider audience than buried in an AskReddit thread.)

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Can I see your ID?

A little while ago in a supermarket in London, a young girl was screaming at the cashier for asking for ID for the large bottle of Vodka she was buying... as the cashier continued to ask for ID, the girl opened her coat to reveal a large swollen belly, and shouted "of course I'm old enough to drink ...

So I was in the hospital while my wife was giving birth...

I was reading an AskReddit post about weird children names. I saw a post where some kid was named Falcon. I thought naming my kid after a bird was a good idea, so I decided to name it Dodo, as the doctor told me the baby was already dead.

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre

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How to drive the wife crazy

So these three guys are talking about their sex lives; there's a Mexican, an American, and a Pole all sitting around the bar.

The Mexican is bragging. "When I make love to my wife," he says, "I always grab her by the back of the neck and whisper in her ear. It drives her crazy."

"When ...

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