UPJOKE

Arms And No Legs Jokes

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A man with no arms and no legs is sunbathing on the beach

A beautiful woman walks over to him and says “awww you poor thing! I bet you’ve never been hugged before have you?”

He replies: “well, no actually I haven’t!”

She leans over and gives him a big hug.

“I bet you’ve never been kissed before either, have you?” she asks.

Once ...

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A guy with no arms and no legs is lying on a beach... (Warning: dark humor)

Then this beautiful, voluptuous blonde comes walking by, sees the crippled guy and starts pitying him. So she walks up to him and asks him: “Would you like a kiss?”

The guy looks up and says a bit hesitantly “Um… yes!”

So the woman bends down and the two of them make out for a long whi...

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, on the floor?

Mat.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the ocean?

Bob.


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the desert?

Fucked.

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A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying

A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, ...

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A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door?

Matt.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?

A. Anything you want, there's nothing he can do about it.

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A man with no arms and no legs sits at the beach pondering his lonely life

3 beautiful women walk by and the first woman taking pity on the man walks up and asks "Have you ever been hugged before?"

"No" says the man. So she hugs him and walks on.

The 2nd woman also taking pity on the man, walks up and asks "Have you ever been kissed before?"

"No" the m...

A man with no arms and no legs always had a dream of becoming a firefighter.

His mother didn’t want to crush his dreams but she knew he would never be accepted. She let him set up an interview so he could be let down slowly. Surprisingly, she picked him up and he gave her the news that he got the job. She was shocked. On his first day of work, she wanted to check in on him s...

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What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?

Nice tits, sweetheart.

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

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A man with no arms and no legs is sat on a beach

A man with no arms and no legs is sat on a beach when he spots three playboy bunnies walking by him. They all spot him and feel bad for him so they try to cheer him up.
The first playboy bunny walks up to him and says; "Have you ever been hugged?" The man shakes his head so she gives him a hug.<...

Tell me your best "guy with no arms and no legs" joke.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, laying in a pile of leafs?

Russel!

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What do you call a person with no arms and no legs...

At your front door? Matt.

Under a pile of leaves? Russell.

In your mailbox? Bill.

Hanging on a wall? Art.

In the middle of the ocean? Fucked. (Also Bob).

What did the blind and deaf boy, with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

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A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"

The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"

The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and w...

A thrice divorced woman is giving love another try ...

Her first love abused her with his fists. The second one ran away. The third one completely failed in bed. But she still feels lonely and doesn't want to stop believing in love, so she posted an ad on a newspaper with her story that she was still available. A few days later, she heard the doorbell r...

Where’s the best place to find a man with no arms and no legs?

Where you left him

What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs?

It doesn’t matter what you call them, they’re still not going to come

Whaddaya call a guy with no arms and no legs trying to water ski?

Skip.

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Oldie but goodie. A man with no arms and no legs is hanging out on a bridge, crying.

A lady walks up to him and asks “why are you crying?”. The man responds “I was born with no arms and no legs, and life has been cruel. I’ve never felt the embrace of a woman giving me a hug”.

So the lady wraps her arms around him, tells him it’s gonna be okay, but he’s still crying. So she as...

What do you call a Baby with no arms and no legs....

A Monster

(from my 3 year old!)

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened his presents yet.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

That same guy in your pool? Bob

Same guy in your hot tub? Stew

Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack

Same guy on your porch? Matt

Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer

Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you...

What do you call a guy/girl with no arms and no legs jokes. (WDYCAGWNAANL)

Ok these are pretty common, so I'll start with a couple of standards and then add some I came up with.

WDYCAGWNAANL in a mailbox? Bill

WDYCAGWNAANL in front of a door? Matt

WDYCAGWNAANL in the water? Bob

WDYCAGWNAANL in a pile of leaves? Russel.

In a hole? Doug....

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No Arms And No Legs

A man was stranded on a deserted island when he came across a woman with no arms and no legs. "Help me, help me," she cried. "I have no arms and no legs and no man will hug me." Feeling sorry for her, he picked her up and gave her a hug.

A few days pass and the man runs across the lady a...

What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs hanging from a window?

Curt and Rod

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The struggle of no arms and no legs.

It’s a bright and Sunny day, and a family decides to take their daughter out to the beach, but she’s an amputee, with not arms and and no legs. So the family finds a nice quiet spot on the beach, and the parents leave to go and do their own thing, while their daughter sun bathes in peace.

A ...

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on a roller coaster?

>!Jocelyn!<

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swam across the English Channel?

A clever dick

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A sexy girl with no arms and no legs goes to the pool...

She was laying on her towel getting a tan when a stud of a lifeguard walks by, they immediately catch each other's attention...

The girl says to the lifeguard, "I've never been hugged by a guy like you before..."

The lifeguard then picks her up and hugs her.

Then the y...

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There once was a girl with no arms and no legs crying on a beach...

One day, an old man came in his fancy convertible and noticed the girl crying on the beach. He parks his car next to her and gets out, asking why she is crying.

"Sir, I'm crying because I've never been kissed before," explains the girl.

So, the man picks her up and plants her a big kis...

Where is the annual no arms and no legs baseball game held?

Wriggly Field

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A woman with no arms and no legs...

A woman with no arms and no legs is sitting by herself, crying, on a park bench facing a lake just before sunset. A handsome young man wandered by and noticed the woman crying. He walks up to her and places a comforting hand on her shoulder, saying "What's wrong, ma'am?"

"Oh...", the young wo...

What do you cal two guys with no arms and no legs on either side of a window?

Kurt n’ Rod

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There is a woman with no arms and no legs crying on a bench at the local lake.

A man notices everyone just walking by her without stopping and starts to feel bad . He goes up to her sits down and says whats wrong ? "I have never even been hugged" she replied. So the man leans over and embraces her, yet she still crys .

What is bothering you now the man asks, "i have ne...

Did you hear about the man with no arms and no legs?

The doctor said he would be arsing around for the rest of his life

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The girl with no arms and no legs.

Last night my two friends and I went for a walk. On our walk we seen a girl with no arms and no legs sitting on a bench on top of the bridge. Being late at night and a bad area one of my friends ask if there's anything he could help with. I could go for a cold bottle of water said the girl so my fri...

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?

Rex

(made this one up myself!)

A young man with no arms and no legs dreamed of becoming a fireman.

His mother didn't have the heart to discourage him, even though she knew there was no way he could be a firefighter.

To her surprise, when she picked him up after his interview, he excitedly told her that they had taken him on, he was finally a real firefighter! His mother congratulated him,...

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Went to the pier today and seen a lady with no arms and no legs propped up on a bench. She was crying her eyes out.

I walk up to her and said “What’s wrong?” She replies “I’ve never been hugged before.” I looked around and gave her a hug. The next day I encounter the same woman, crying again on the pier. I ask her again, “What’s wrong now?”She says” I’ve never been kissed before.” So I kissed her, but she start...

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

...on your front step? Matt
...in a pot? Stu
...in a pan? Fry
...floating in the ocean? Bob
...bouncing on the highway? Skip
...hanging on a wall? Art
...that's been harpooned? Pierce
...lying face down in prison? Fucked

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A woman with no arms and no legs...

A man is jogging along the beach when he comes across a young woman with no arms and no legs sobbing. He decides to stop to ask her what it wrong. She replies, "As you can see, I have no arms and no legs. Today is my 21st birthday and I have never known the embrace of a man." Feeling sorry for h...

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A girl with no arms and no legs was sitting on a beach...

A handsome young man comes walking up and he notices she was crying. So he stops and asks her what's wrong? She replied well I've never been hugged before.... So the guys like alright and picks her up gives her a hug and sets her back down and she starts crying even harder... The guy was like what's...

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A man is walking up and down a beach when he comes across a crying woman with no arms and no legs...

He asks the woman, “Why are you crying?”

She responds “Well, I’ve never been hugged.” So, he picks her up and hugs her, before continuing down the beach.

An hour or so later, he walks by the still crying woman again. He asks her, “Why are you still crying?”

She replies, “Well...

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