UPJOKE

Absolutely Awful Jokes

What feels really nice at home and is absolutely awful in public?

Sitting on a warm toilet seat...

I went to the optician

I said "you've got to help me. Everything looks absolutely awful". Optician replied " don't worry sir, you've got 2020 vision".

Obi Wan Kenobi decides he wants a change of pace so decides to put his skills into becoming a marriage councillor.

One day a familiar face pops in, Luke Skywalker. Luke sits down an immediately bursts into tears as his new wife is absolutely awful. For three hours Luke talks, almost non stop, about all the horrible things she does to him - putting green milk in his cereal, signing him up to the Jar-Jar fanclub, ...

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

...His winter though? Absolutely awful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Chinatown apothecary

He tells the proprietor that he has a date with a gorgeous woman that night. The woman, however has an incredible sex drive, and she has left every man she had ever been with after a single night because they could not satisfy her.

The proprietor nods his head and asks the man to wait. He g...

St. George the Dragon Slayer rides up to a huge cave

"Come out, Dragon, and fight me!" he shouts into the cave. But there is no response.
"Come out, and fight me to the death" he shouts even louder. Still no response. And the cave stinks absolutely awfully.
"Come out, you cowardly worm," shouts St. George one more time at the top of his lungs,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A flea is sitting on a bench in Florida...

and he looks miserable. He has the sniffles, he's sneezing and has the chills. He has a blanket wrapped around him for warmth.
Just then a friend of his walks by and notices him sitting there all sick and dejected. The friend sits next to him.
"Liam! What's wrong? You look absolutely awful."<...

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