UPJOKE
6pmmidnight4pm5am5pm7pm9amfrillamsat

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I was woken up from my drunken sleep by my neighbour mowing at 6am.

"Just fucking go around me!" I shouted.

I have a nice solid bowel movement every morning at 6AM.

Problem is... I wake up at 7.

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So a man takes a shit every morning at 6AM

He goes to the hospital to check it out, the doctor then says, "There's nothing wrong with pooping every morning." The man then replies, "Yes, but the problem is that I wake up at 7AM."

Dear 6AM..

We have got to stop meeting this way. I'd much rather sleep with you.

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A man was taking a 6am stroll, when he saw someone crouching in a graveyard.

Trying to be polite, he tips his hat and says, ā€œmorning.ā€

The guy replies, ā€œnah, just taking a shit.ā€

I wake up at 6AM everyday

In someone else's time zone

Why were 6am, 7am, 8am and 9 am sad?

Because they were mourning

Morning habits: everyday I have to pee at 6am

Then I wake up and get ready for work

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This is getting way out of hand. For the past week, every morning at 6am sharp, a German Shepherd has come in to my garden and taken a giant poop, right there on the lawn. And you'll never believe what happened today...

He brought his dog with him.

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workinā€™ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya donā€™t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

What does a necrophiliac get during 6am funerals?

Mourning wood

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Don't wake Up Until Ten

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Seventy is the worst age to be," announced the seventy year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the eighty year ol...

A time keeper at a factory is in charge of blowing the whistle for the lunch break at noon.

When it's almost noon he looks at his watch and right when it strikes 12pm he blows the whistle.

One day he bumps his watch against something and he fears that it is a little off.

Wanting to make sure that he can do his job correctly he decides to go get his watch set by a professional...

Today convinced me that society isn't deteriorating as much as we think.

I was on the bus at 6am and this really generous guy offered me a sip from his half-empty whiskey bottle.

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Fuck and Weight loss

A fat man saw an ad in a newspaper.....
"Lose 5kg in a week."

He called the company & lady said..
"be ready tomorrow at 6am."
The next morning he opened the door &
found a beautiful girl with shoes & skirt saying "u catch me, u fuck me!" & the girl started run...

What is it called when the plate stole the cups date right in front of them?

A BOWLD MOVE!


itā€™s 6AM here and I rushed on here to type it before I forgot...so enjoy

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Three Men Are Talking About Aging

A sixty year old, a seventy year old, and an eighty year old man are sitting on a porch discussing the different stages of aging.

"When I wake up in the morning it now takes me 30 minutes to be able to take a piss!" complained the sixty year old.

"That's nothing," responded the sevent...

My friend said he doesn't take public public transport because it's depressing. So I told him about this really friendly guy that I see on the bus who always offers me a sip of his beer...

At 6am.

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An old man goes to the doctor for a check up...

The doc asks "is there anything concerning you?"

The old man replies "well, every morning at 4am sharp I need a pee. Then at 6am sharp I need a shit"

The doctor says "well it's great a man of your age is so regular, why are you worried"

The old man replies "but, I don't wake up ...

This new daily fiber regimen has really helped with my regularity issues. Now, every day at 5am I take a big ol' stinky poo.

I just wish I could get out of bed before 6am.

Little Ken Fok grew up working hard in his fatherā€™s restaurant in China

Every day before school he would get up at 6am and help prepare the dishes for that days lunch before coming home from school at 4pm to help with the evening shift by preparing and serving customers. He would make Spicy crab cakes, shredded pork and tofu. He would work until midnight and then repeat...

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Sometimes you just have to accept the facts of a situation.....

Back in the 20s when most kitchens didn't have refrigerators but ice boxes instead, a man is driving a horse drawn wagon selling blocks of ice around town.

Rolling thru the streets he'd call out "Ice! Ice for sale! Ice!"

A lady on the 5th floor of one building he's passing yells down,...

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Cop's first day

Determined to do well on his first day on the job, a rookie cop is out on his beat at 6am. The first person he sees on the street is an old man walking a brick on a leash. He thinks this man must be a bit slow so decides to be as friendly as he can.
Cop: Good morning.
Man: Morning
Cop: That...

A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country

He doesn't know much about chickens, so he decides to go consult with some of the locals. He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers. The old farmer tells him "sure, meet me here at 6am tomorrow and I'll show you the ropes.


The young man gets up and ...

Emergency landing . . .

At 8PM one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because the interrogators wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and that th...

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These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...

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3 Old-timers Were Discussing Problems of Old Age

The first one had urinary problems and said ā€œItā€™s really terrible because Iā€™m always
having to get up in the middle of the night to pee..and then other nights I need to pee
but nothing comes out. Iā€™d give anything to just be able to pee normally.ā€

The second guy had elimination issues....

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A film director is getting ready early in the morning to start work.

It's 6am. There's a knock at his trailer door. He answers and a crew member tells him that they've been postponing too long and have to get to work asap.

The director knows this but appreciates the reminder. He only has time to get dressed, no brushing his teeth, no eating, nothing else. ...

Barnyard Tales

A salesman gets lost in the country one night and sees heā€™s low on gas. He sees a light on in a farmhouse and decides to stop and ask for directions. The farmer who answers the door listens to his request for directions but instead says to the salesman, ā€œWhy donā€™t you just stop for the night and sta...

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