UPJOKE

45 Second Jokes

Did you know that a piranha can devour a child down to the bone in less than 45 seconds?

Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex for an hour and 45 seconds last night.

Thanks daylight savings!

My friend, who's a shirt designer said he makes shirts in 45 seconds.

But I knew he was fabricating lies.

Did you know that a Siberian Tiger can absolutely devour a 7-year-old girl in just about 45 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the petting zoo, today...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The spoon

Customer at restaurant drops a spoon. Waiter nearby immediately replaces the dropped spoon with a clean one from his breast pocket. Next time the customer sees him, the waiter has a new spoon in his breast pocket so the customer asks about the spoon.


“The owners hired a consultant some t...

You want to know the best part about being a stand up comic with a stutter?

For my eight minute slot, I only have to write 45 seconds worth of material.

Joke for economics nerds

A physicist and an economist are invited to a classroom to make a presentation to get the children interested in their field of study. The physicist goes first.

He produces a ball and announces, “I will time this ball falling to the ground and, without looking at the stopwatch, tell you how l...

Bush, Clinton, Trump, and Obama decided to have a race.

Trump went first. His time was 9 minutes and 50 seconds. Obama did a bit better. He finished the race in 9 minutes and 45 seconds. Clinton came in 9 minutes and 24 seconds. And Bush did 9:11.

My girlfriend calls me Ronda Rousey

Because I only last 45 seconds in the ring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is this story joke? I created it to present to class tomorrow.

It's supposed to last between 45 seconds to a minute. Is it funny? What can I improve?

A man is driving along a road, and starts to hear a clunking noise coming from under the hood of his car. Luckily for him, an auto repair shop is just down the road. As he drives into the shop’s garage, he’...

TIFU by feeding my mogwai after midnight

Whoops, wrong sub.

By the way, if you see one, just throw it in the microwave for like 45 seconds.

3 Secret Service agents are on their final day of training

They’re led into a darkened room. The commanding officer has them facing the opposite way of him. He walks up to the first potential agent from behind and speaks to his ear; loudly enough so all 3 can hear, but in a smooth, calculated tone, almost whispering:

“You’ve passed every test up to ...

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