UPJOKE

4 Inch Jokes

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit

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My dick may be only 4 inches,

But it smells like a foot

I have invented a golf ball that will go in the hole if within 4 inches.

Don't put it in your back pocket.

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My girlfriend said there's nothing wrong with having a 4 inch long penis...

But I'd prefer she didn't have one at all

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches.

That’s Horatio of 3:1.

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When the fly drops 4 inches

Picture a mountain stream and there is bear that is trying to catch a fish and there is a fly that is buzzing over the stream.

The fish inside the stream is looking up at the fly, and is thinking if this fly would just drop 4 inches then I could jump out of the water and have a snack.
...

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Do you know what is 4 inches in length, 2 inches in diameter, and drives women fucking crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll.

What is 4 inches long and expands when there's a women in a running shower?

A sponge

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My penis is only 4 inches...

...but I find most girls don't like it that wide.

On my online dating profile it clearly says that I’m 6 foot - 4 inches

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I’m 5’8”

I was talking to a coworker about a project I was working on at home. I didn’t have enough space so I told her I wish I could turn 4 inches into 8

She said she wishes her husband could too

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A man is in a car accident and when he wakes up in hospital his wife is at his bedside while the doctor gives him some bad news.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news" says the doctor, "you're fine except for one thing, your penis was badly injured and we had to amputate it.. however, the good news is your insurance has paid out £6,000 for this injury and we have the technology to give you a fully functional prosthetic penis, now,...

The average horse weighs 1000lbs and has a 20 inch D. That’s a ratio of 50lbs to 1 inch.

So an average man weighing 200lbs only needs a 4 inch D to be hung like a horse.

Be proud fellas

Why are women so bad at carpentry?

*Holds hand in the air with fingers about 4 inches apart.*

Because men keep telling them this is eight inches.

A Swedish Farming Village in 1265...

...is facing a crisis. They haven't had any rain in almost 2 months. All of their crops are dead or dying, and many of the citizens are starving.

One day, Sven comes bursting into his kitchen, scooping his wife Helda into his arms and dancing with joy.

"Sven! What's gotten into you? Wh...

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A white guy woke up in a cell with an Asian man and a black man.

None of them had any idea what was going on. All of a sudden a mysterious man appears in front of them and says, "If all of your dick lengths combined can reach exactly 1 foot, I'll let you all go. If not, I'll kill you all" All 3 men pulled down their pants and put their dicks together, the white g...

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A frog was sitting on a lily pad and saw a fly..

Little did the fly know the frog was thinking "if that fly moves down 4 inches I can grab it".

Little did the frog know a fish was thinking "if that fly moves down 4 inches the frog will grab it and I can eat the frog".

Little did the fish know a bear was thinking "if that fly moves do...

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Misinterpretation in the sheets

Her: I thought you said you were gonna go pornstar on me

Me: no I said pawn star

Her: what does that even mean

Me: best I can do is 4 inches

I’ve just checked my BMI, and it turns out

I have to grow at least 4 inches

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Three men, called Joe, Barry and Donald, were walking through some wild lands.

They were suddenly captured by some tribal people who turned out to be cannibals. Somehow they conveyed to these cannibals that they didn't want to be eaten. The cannibals conferred for a bit and decided that they'll let the men go on one condition. They told them that they can go if the individual ...

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In the middle of the woods, there is a fly hovering over a lake...

In the lake, there is a fish. The fish sees the fly and says to itself, "If that fly were to come down about 4 inches, I could jump up and eat him!"

By the lake there is a bear. The bear sees the fly and the bear sees the fish and says to itself, "If that fly were to come down about 4 inches,...

Mark is 5 feet, 6 inches tall

Mark likes dating taller women.

So, Mark was so excited to find a girl on a dating site who's bio said that she is 5 feet, 10 inches tall.

He was even more excited to see that her bio said that she likes dating shorter guys.

Mark chats with this girl for a while, and they eventu...

An unethical young scientist finds a frog on the side of the road



He takes it in for studying and sets it on his desk. The scientist prods the frog and tells it to jump. The frog leaps an astonishing 3 feet 8 inches into the air.

The scientist takes one leg off the frog, and then pokes it again, yelling "Jump". The Frog needs no further telling and ...

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Your credit card is like your penis

If you stick it in to anywhere that lets you don't be surprised when it comes back to haunt you. If you give it to the wrong person it can get expensive fast. If you can get protection for it you should. You shouldn't go whipping it out in public lest you attract the wrong kind of attention.
...

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I heard this joke on a show called "Accused" it made me laugh

"A man gets his dick cut off at work and they give him 40000 dollars comp... he could get a 4 inch penis for 10 grand, a 6 inch for 30 and the full big 8 inch penis for the full 40. But his wife is there and she needs to help make the decision.
So, his boss leaves, like our lawyer did right ther...

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Little Johnny Joke

Every day, Little Johnny’s teacher came into school with a word of the day for the class to learn. On this particular morning the word of the day was contagious.

Teacher: Does anyone know how to use the word contagious in a sentence? (Only little Johnny raised his hand)

Teacher: Anyon...

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The Fish and the Fly

Just below the surface of a nearby lake, a fish watches a fly buzzing along and thinks to himself, “If that fly drops 4 inches, I’m gonna jump out of the water and eat that fly.” A bear at the edge of the woods is also watching and he thinks to himself, “If that fly drops 4” and the fish jumps out ...

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An African prince falls in love with an American girl...

An African prince falls in love with an American girl and upon proclaiming his love and devotion he asks her to marry him. She- not wanting to hurt prince’s feelings - tells him she needed time to think about it. The girl asks her best friend what to do as she was not in love with him, but also didn...

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The Pope-mobile

Because nothing says "faith in God" more than 4 inches of bullet-proof glass...

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A gypsy kid comes home from school and asks his father...

'Dad, am I "outstanding" in reading 'cause I'm a gypsy?'

'No, son. That's 'cause you can read well.'

The next day, the gypsy kid comes home and asks:

'Dad, am I "outstanding" in grammar 'cause I'm a gypsy?'

'No, son. That's 'cause you're good at grammar.'

The next ...

Yesterday at the gym I was looking at the Height/Body Mass index

Apparently I'm 4 inches too short

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Little Johnny...

Little Johnny was at school one day, and being the little shit he is, kept disrupting class by talking.

“Penis. Penis. Penis penis penis”, he kept saying.
His teacher, starting to get annoyed, said “Johnny, do you even know was a penis is?”
“Well, no”, said Johnny, “it’s just fun to say...

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The Amazon

Three guys were on vacation in the Amazon, when they became separated from their tour group. After stumbling through the forest for hours, they finally stumbled upon an indigenous tribe, all of whom were naked, and statues of penises everywhere. Hoping that they may care for or help them find help, ...

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Three men get stranded on an island...

A black man, a white man, and an Asian man. The natives say that they will row them off the island if all of there flasid penis lenths add up to 10in. First the black man walks up and measured out to 5in. The white man walks up and reads 4 inches. The Asian man walks up and reads 1 inch.
The nati...

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Last summer, I traveled to europe for a 2 week vacation..

On the last night, I decided to go to a club for some action. As I approached the entrance, there was nothing more amazing i'd seen in those last 2 weeks than the bouncer. He was buffed up at least 4 inches taller than me, had long hair, a braided beard, hell he looked like a viking. Surprisingly, h...

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A man is showering up in a locker room

with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it ...

3 Guys Die And Go To The Pearly Gates

St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven" as he pointed to another shining gate many miles in the distance.

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wif...

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Family First (original joke)

Mr. Scott Lood was a poor little farmer from Illinois who paid the bills by churning butter all day and all night. He came from a family of dairy farmers: his father was a cream maker, and his father before him a cheese maker. There was little money to be made in this line of work- so little in fact...

Lost in the Desert

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the...

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Robin Hucking

I once knew a guy named Robin. Robin Hucking. Yes, Robin. He hated his name. Everyone called him Hucking, or Huck.



Great guy. Best friend I ever had. Right up to the day he died.



Hucking did have one problem. He was a high rise construction worker with a bad case of acr...

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

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