14 Years Jokes - 29 Hilarious 14 Years Jokes

The fortune teller told me I’d lose one of my closest friends in 13-14 years.

To cope with this news, I bought a puppy.

I had 180 people under me at my first job and I was only 14 years old.

I mowed the town cemetery.

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My husband told me today that he was happy to be 14 years older than me...

So he (64) wouldn’t be there to see me (50) becoming an old bitchy woman. I replied: ”If you’re not there anymore, why should I be bitchy?” He couldn’t answer...

Today I celebrated my 365th day sober!!

And it only took me 14 years

A husband and wife had been married for 14 years, and were having problems.

They both realized that they needed to see a marriage counselor. They found one that some friends said had helped them immensely. He invited them in and asked them what was going on. The husband just looked down, not knowing what to say, but the wife talked for 15 minutes straight, laying out issue ...

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I’m in a loving marriage of 14 years and still have sex three times a week.

I hope my wife doesn’t find out.

Just heard my son speak his first words

where were you the last 14 years

MTV turns 40 this year.

Thanks for 14 years of music.

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A man was on a ship that sunk, and after floating for days he washed up on a deserted island....

He was stranded for many years on this island, but fortunately food was easy to come by. Fruits and vegetables grew abundantly all over the island, and the fish were so easy to catch it was almost like they *wanted* to be caught. Unfortunately, this meant that he had hours and hours of free time th...

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A pregnant lady expecting triplets is tragically shot during a bank robbery

She was shot 3 times in the belly, and 1 bullet hit each of the 3 baby boys. Miraculously, they all survived!

One day about 14 years later, one of her boys came crying to her saying “mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out of my penis”. Then she sat him down and explained what happened al...

Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?

Americans can't milk the cow for 14 years.

R.Kelly has decided to contest his 30 year prison sentence

He wants it reduced to something below 14 years .

My son came to me & said: 'Can I have a book mark?'

14 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Jeff

There once lived a Mr. Wrong

Since he was a wee lad, Mr. Wrong had it tough. He was a bright, brilliant young boy, but to his mother he would never be enough. Worse still, she'd make all sorts of outlandish statements to rub it into him that he would never amount to anything.

Mr. Wrong was tenacious though, as he'd delib...

Chicago anxiety

Bob was sitting on the plane at Cleveland waiting to fly to Chicago, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck…pale, hands shaking in fear. "What's the matter, afraid of flying?" Bob asked.

"No, it's not that. I've been transferred to Chicago. The people are craz...

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A wife on her deathbed.

An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home.

The old woman whispers to her husband.

"My husband, I want to show you something before I pass."

The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.."

"I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of th...

I like my girlfriends the same as I like my scotch...

14 years old and on coke

Ol' Jed

Ol' Jed was sitting on his porch when his youngest grandson walked up to him.

"Granpa, how did you get to live so to be so old?"

"What, I'm only 85!" he exclaimed before snorting. "Well, let me tell you something. Every morning I sprinkle just a little gunpowder into my oatmeal. It'...

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne?

Acne usually won't come on a child's face until they're 13/14 years old

We should have sent the Opportunity rover to Iraq

since its original mission was supposed to be 3 months but then it kept going for 14 years for no good reason

I tried 360° noscoping a guy using an AWP and accidentally landed a headshot , it was awesome. Then I proceeded to T-bag him.

However the judge was not impressed and gave me a 14 years in prison.

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I go to get some therapy

The therapist says, “Where do you see yourself in 14 years?”
I say back, “I dunno, a mirror.”

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Pregnant lady of 3 gets shot 3 times...

(not sure if it's been told I am new here)

A pregnant woman was walking down an alley way and was shot 3 times. The doctor told her that she will be fine.

14 years later one of her daughters says" mommy, mommy I peed out a bullet!" So her mom tells her what happened all those years ago...

Our realationship is like the mars rover

It was meant to last 90 days but here I am 14 years later

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Dear Abby

My name is Gloria Mae and I'm from Tennessee. I'm 14 years old and am still a virgin.

Is my brother gay?

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Roy Moore was sentenced to 14 months in prison.

The judge said he would've given him 14 years, but he was worried that Moore would ejaculate upon hearing the sentence.

A pregnant lady.

A lady who was pregnant with triplets was walking down the street one night and got robbed. She refused to give the robber any money so she was shot 3 times in the stomach. Miraculously she and all three children survived. She eventually have birth to two females and one male.

14 years later,...

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[long] I met a girl online a few weeks ago...

and things were going GREAT. I've never enjoyed chatting with anyone more in my entire life. Shared interests, movies, music, shows, the whole 9 yards.

A week after we first met online, she reveals something to me. She's only 14 years old. Now, I'm over the age of majority, but when I think a...

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NSFW When the girl lets you Piss in her ASS.

When I was about 14 years old, my father pulled me to the side to give me some advice. He said, "Son if you meet a girl and she lets you piss in her ass, MARRY HER."

At that moment on, I never looked at my mother the same way again.

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