UPJOKE

Wouldn't Work Jokes

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I always knew that things wouldn't work out between me and my ex girlfriend.

After all, I'm an Aquarius and she's a bitch.

Stalin should have known that communism wouldn't work.

There were red flags everywhere.

Remember back in the day, when your TV wouldn't work, you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

After our first date, this girl told me things wouldn't work out because I was "too Canadian"...

I told her I'm sorry and offered her our homemade maple syrup and pancakes, and two tickets to tomorrow night's hockey game for wasting her time. I'm still not sure what she meant by "too Canadian" though.

Why a restaurant on the moon wouldn't work?

There would be no atmosphere.

I tried texting with gloves and it just wouldn't work...

So I went back to texting with a phone.

Oldy repurposed

Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went ...

While visiting a distant relative I hadn't visited in years, I asked my mom's cousin George for his Wi-Fi password. He said, "Start with an uppercase S, then 123."

As soon as George had left to do an errand, I tried to log onto his Wi-Fi. But every time I typed S123, it wouldn't work. After two hours of failure, George came back.

I told him, "I used the password you told me to use, but it never worked! can you log onto the Wi-Fi for me?" George typed th...

Use your goddamn head!

Mike visited his friend Bob in the hospital after Bob had suffered from an severe head injury,

What happened Bob? How did you got your head injured like this, asks mike.

I was trying break a rock with my slippers when a man saw me and told me that this wouldn't work and that I should u...

Haven't done that in a year..

A Dad wakes up and starts making breakfast on New Years Day. The son comes down to the kitchen and as the Dad serves him eggs he goes:

"Morning son, it looks like you haven't eaten all year."

The son scowls at the terrible Dad joke and digs into his eggs. The daughter comes down to th...

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is the USA?

In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC, and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished. In the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished.

Do you wanna hear a joke about couples breaking up?

Nevermind it wouldn't work out

I have a theory that if something works optimally, it HAS to be inside a fish.

Everything that's outside a fish wouldn't work the way it should, because it's inafishn't.

Here is a demotivating true story from my high school days.

I was obese in high school and there was this really hot girl, I had a huge crush on. During the two years of high school I asked her out around 4 times and every time she gave various reasons why we wouldn't work.

Then on the last day of high school, I...

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Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

How do you stop serial killers?

Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.

This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.

He worked for years to invent an engine that ran on ambient disappointment.

But at the unveiling, it wouldn't work.

Then it did.

Briefly.

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can see the future....

A man walks into his local pub for a pint after work. After being served his drink, he turns to find a table to sit down and enjoy his pint.
There are two tables free, one near the entrance and another towards the back. He opts for the one near the entrance, sits down, and takes a nice refreshing...

My friend had a date with a guy from Alabama yesterday.

He told her it wouldn't work out, he is not a family type.

I would make a fitness joke

But it just wouldn't work out..

An elderly childless couple visits the doctor...

And tell him that they would like to conceive a child. The doctor tells them that it's unlikely they will be capable of having a child, but will help them the best he can. He gives the old man a jar and tells him, "Go home and give it a try with this, come back when you have a sample."

The ne...

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