UPJOKE

Without Delay Jokes

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The husband is going on a business trip.

Immediately before leaving, he says to his wife: "Honey! I am leaving for a long time and I understand that it will be difficult for you without a man. Therefore I constructed a robot. His name is Bob. As soon as you want a man, say: " Bob! "and he will do his job."

Just after the husband cl...

There was a pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers

He was a man who led with gentleness, faith, and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world.

As the pope approached the Gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome, Your Holiness. Your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has...

A Lobster Walks Into a Bar

He goes up to the bartender and says: "Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I'm a lawyer."

"Blimey... A lobster lawyer? That is impressive," says the bartender.

The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document tha...

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A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff...

...they all die and go to Heaven. As they were approaching the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter comes out to greet them:
"My dear sisters, welcome to Heaven”, said the apostle. The nuns were thrilled to meet him, but he proceeded without delay: “Please form a line while I go back inside to get somethin...

A hunter tribe in Siberia catches a Camel.

They kill it, and wonder what it is. To find out, they ask the best hunter.

He answers "It is not a fox, it is not a rabbit. Ask the chief of the tribe, he might know".

They ask the chief.

He says, "Not a reindeer, and not a seal. I don't know what it is".

As a last re...

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A man, a dog, a bears nuts.

One night Mr jones had terrible trouble getting to sleep due to loud banging noises and scuffling coming from his roof. In the morning he ventured outside, looked up and saw that a very large, very angry looking bear had climbed onto his roof and was wandering around growling and battering at the c...

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Duke!

A guy invites his Gf to meet his parents
During dinner she has gas but a stroke
Of good luck has put the family dog directly at her feet.
So without delay she let's out a loud squeak.
"Duke." The father says in a stern voice.
Feeling relieved, she decides to let the rest out and be ...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shock...

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First submission to /jokes, and it's an old one about women making sandwiches.

Three riveters take their lunch break up on the rafters of a high rise. The first one opens his lunch pail and turns to the others, "Goddamn Ham & Swiss *again.* Fifteen years of marriage, and every day it's the same thing. I swear, if my wife makes me one more Ham & Swiss, I'm ending it....

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This machine stops after..... [NSFW]

So a son invites his father to come visit England from India. The son was very excited about his father visiting England and so he decided to take him on a tour. Unfortunately his father didn't show the same excitement like his son. The boy was confused and asked his father "What is the matter?, don...

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