UPJOKE

Where Am I Jokes

I often ask myself questions, such as "Where did we come from?", "Why am I here?", "Where am I going?"

"Am I a terrible Uber driver?"

Do you ever wonder "Who am I? Where am I going? What am I doing?"

Well, mind your own business.

As a substitute teacher, I get up every morning and ask myself the important questions in life; Who am I? Where am I going?

And then I check with the school to find out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler dies and goes to the gates of hell...

St. Peter is waiting for him, staring at him, judging him.

Hitler breaks the silence and asks:"Where am I?"

A bit frustrated, St. Peter responds:"Hell, Hitler."

Confused, Hitler asks again:"Ja, ja, Heil Hitler, but where am I?"

The furniture store salesman told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said “Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

John Cena wakes up at a hospital

John Cena: Where am I

Nurse: ICU

John Cena: No you can’t

John Cena woke up from a coma

John Cena: Where am I?

Nurse: ICU

John Cena: No you don't.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor's wife is better than mine!

I've always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbour next door.

One day, when speaking to her husband, he said:
"I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter but the guy asked me for the an arm and a leg ..."
...

"You must be an engineer"

A man is flying solo in a hot air balloon and he discovers that he is lost. He lowers altitude until he can see a guy walking through a field.

He says to the guy, "Hey, where am I"?
The guy replies, "You are in a hot air balloon about 8 feet above farmer Jack's field."
The balloon ...

My girlfriend txt me that when I got home she wanted me to give her something long and hard.

Where am I going to find a 12 page algebra exam at this time of night?

Benny and the Magic Urn

Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler dies.

"Where am I, God?"

"Hell."

"What???? But I killed Hitler!"

"Yeah but you also killed the guy who killed Hitler."

A man wakes up from a coma

Man:what happened?!

Friend:you had a heart attack while playing peek-a-boo

Man:where am I?

Friend:*sigh* I.C.U.

Jesus and his apostles walk into a restaurant...

Matthew asks for a table for 26. The server says " But there is only 13 of you" Paul says "But we all want to sit on the same side of the table."

Then the group skips out early leaving Judas with the bill.

"Jusus Christ man, where am I going to find 30 pieces of silver

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