UPJOKE

When Life Gives You Jokes

When life gives you melons...

You might be dyslexic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When life gives you a last chance...

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in kno...

When life gives you...

...High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Furmarate, Yellow #5, Tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavors...

...Make lemonade.

When life gives you HIV

you make koolaids

When life gives you lemons

Freeze them and throw them as hard as you can at the people making your life difficult

When life gives you lemons

Shove them up you ass, because the only thing life gives me is problems.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations

F=ma

"When life gives you lemons...

Don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down -...

When life gives you lemons...

... a simple surgery can give you melons.

When life gives you lemons...

...take advantage of lemon law.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When life gives you lemons...

Get a job and stop worrying abt ur fuckin’ lemons

when life gives you lemons...

you force baby's to eat them for entertainment

When life gives you lemons...

Peel one of the lemons in front of the others... You know, to send a message.

When life gives you a coconut ...

You keep it away from redditors

Well my father always told me, "when life gives you lemons,

chances are you're in the fruit aisle and shouldn't overthink the situation

When Life gives you a cheese grater...

You hold it up and say, 'Life's grate'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Breast reduction surgery clinic motto:

When life gives you melons, make life take the melons back!

More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

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