UPJOKE

When I Was Born Jokes

When i was born I was so mad at my parents

I didn't talk to them for two years

I was really surprised when I was born.

So much so that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

When I was born, I sure was relieved

I was running out of womb.

When I was born I was so ugly...

the doctor slapped my mother.

\- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born, I only weighed 33.8 ounces.

Doctor said I was a natural born liter.

When I was born I was circumcised.

It hurt so bad, I couldn't walk for a year. In fact, I was so mad at my parents that I didn't talk to them for 9 months.

Apparently, when I was born the doctor told my parents that I was born with a lot of potential

Well I must of touched something grounded thereafter

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When I was born I was given a choice; Big Dick or Good Memory

I don’t remember what I picked

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When I was born, God told me I could choose between having a perfect memory or a huge dick.

I still can't remember which one I chose.

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they gi...

A boy asked his uncle, “why did you plant a walnut tree when I was born?”

“Well,” The uncle replied, “I figure you’d both take about 13 years to start nutting”

When I was born, my mom decided to name me after what she wished she was before getting pregnant.

Barron.

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A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

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For my cake day, I want to share a joke my friend told me

When I was born, god gave me the option between choosing the ability to finish stories, or having a big dick.

Obviously, I chose

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

My mother drank too much when she was pregnant with me

When I was born, I only weighed two fifths.

When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body.

Thankfully, it all changed when I was born.

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."

"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."

The second boy asks, "What about you?"

"Circumcision," the first boy replies.

The second boy responds, "I had that done when ...

Two men are sitting in a bar

'Hey, when were you born?' asks the first man.

'3rd of February 1961,' replies the second.

'Interesting, that's when I was born too! Where were you born?'

'In Seattle.'

'That's weird, I was born in Seattle as well,' exclaims the first man. 'Where did you go to school?'...

The 3rd child asked her mother

Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath!

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A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know


When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black....

How did you get your name?

A grade school meets her new class at the start of the year and starts asking them their names.

She goes to the first child, “What is your name?”
The girl replied, “Lilly”.
The teacher says, “That’s a lovely name, how did you get your name?”
The girl replied, “Because when I was born...

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A Native American Boy Walks into His Family Tipi

The boy looks at his father as he has grown curious in life lately and asks him,

"Dad, why is your name rising sun?"

The boys father looks at him and says,

"Well son, when i was born your grandparents went outside with me and that's the first thing they saw, the rising sun."
...

There must be a thirteenth month.

When I talk to my parents, they say when I was born it was in convenient.

How old is your father?

Kid: 6 years old, he only become father when I was born.

Three cows graze in a field

The first cow, Rose, says, “I was named Rose because the first thing my head touched was a beautiful, red rose.”

The second cow, Daisy, says, “My mother named me Daisy because when I was born, I fell out headfirst onto a beautiful field of daisies.”.

The third cow, Brick, says, “Guuuh”

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A man saw a sign in a yard that said "Talking dog for sale $10"

He laughs and says "Yeah right, I gotta check this out". He knocks on the door and an old man answers. The guy says "I saw the sign for the talking dog for sale". Old man says "Yep, he's out back". They walk around to the back and the old man leads the guy to the fenced in area where the dog is slee...

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Math problem

Teacher: If a man and a pregnant woman are living in a house. How many people live in the house?

Matt: Two.

Teacher. Good. After 9 months, the woman is no longer pregnant. How many people are now in the house?

Matt: Two.

Teacher: No, Matt. There is now a baby so there are...

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A young woman is at a party where she meets an older gentleman.

The two get to talking and eventually the topic of age comes up. The older gentleman says, "Well, I'm 57, but don't tell me how old you are just yet! See, I have this special ability where I can tell when a woman was born by feeling her breasts." Amazed by the bold claim, the young woman dismisse...

How Kids Got Their Names

3 Kids are taking about how they got their names, and why their parents named as such.

The first one, a girl named "Rose" says "I was named Rose, because when I was born my parents dropped rose pedals on me."

The second one, a boy named "Ash" says "I was named Ash, because wedge I was...

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Circumcision Joke

Two 10 year old boys are taking a piss - one looks over at the penis of the other and says, "Oh no! What's wrong with your penis?"
The little boy replies, "I've been circumcised"
His friend says, "You poor guy - when did that happen?"
"When I was born", came the reply
"Yuck, it looks awf...

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Andy Rooney on Sex

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory... I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of sa...

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