UPJOKE

What Happens When You Jokes

What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

What happens when you put a lot of LGBT people in a long line?

You get a LGBTQ.

What happens when you mess up at ninja church?

The nun chucks you out

What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day....

You feel desserted.

What happens when you take a joke too far?

The 45th President of the United States of America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you slap Dwayne Johnson’s butt?

You hit Rock Bottom

What happens when you hit someone at a high frequency

It hertz

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

What happens when you neglect to pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what happens when you put your penis in the vacuum cleaner?

The Walmart security guard throws you out.

What happens when you play a country song in reverse?

The singer gets his dog, home and wife back.

What happens when you grill the chicken for 2 hours?

It will tell us why it crossed the road.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what happens when you assume, right?

U get in between me ass.

What happens when you cross a chicken with a turbocharger?

Fast food.

What happens when you eat aluminum foil?

You sheet metal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

wanna know what happens when you give a politician viagra?

He gets taller

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Joke I heard today) What happens when you give a Lawyer Viagra?

They get taller.

What happens when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor

What happens when you kiss a bird?

You get chirpies

It's a canarial disease

There's no tweetment

What happens when you cross Santa Claus with five shots of tequila?

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.

What happens when you claim an island by peeing on it?

Urination

What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?

It becomes a flee market.

What happens when you fart quietly?

da-bum-tss






(sorry)

What happens when you let dinosaurs drive?

You get tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What happens when you put a zebra in a lion cage?

You get fired from the zoo

What happens when you eat too much Middle Eastern food?

You feelafel

What happens when you call a duck?

His phone wings

What happens when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What happens when you visit the mausoleum?

Remains to be seen

I've just found out what happens when you pull on the red cord in the disabled toilet.

It makes someone smash the door in and call you a "time-wasting prick."

What happens when you accidentally pour coffee in your Ryzen Processor?

You get a Coffee Lake

Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer?

Guess knot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what happens when you have sex with an old Virgin lady

You get Granberry juice

What happens when you approach the speed of light

You'll c

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you get caught pooping in an elevator?

Shit goes down

What happens when you crash your new Kia?

You end up with NoKia

(credit to someone on Instagram)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what happens when you fuck a tv

pretty shocking results

What happens when you run out of manure on a farm?

You have to make doo.

What happens when you get in a fight in Bel-Aire?

Aunt Viv sends you back to Philly

What happens when you screw up

Biologist screws up:
Mutant virus

Physicist screws up:
Deadly black hole

Geologists screws up:
Rock on table is now rock on floor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you combine Putin and a potato.

You'll get a dicktator. And vodka

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson’s butt?

You get arrested for sexual assault. What did you think was going to happen?

What happens when you leave your citizens to freeze in the cold?

They turn blue.

What happens when you squeeze a smurf?

You papa smurf!

What happens when you don't obey the KGB?

You get Putin jail
(sorry)

What happens when you lose you attention span in school

You gain your detention span

What happens when you park your car 6.28 feet over the lines?

It gets tau'd.

What happens when you cross a sheep with consequence?

Ramifications

What happens when you travel to mount Rushmore

You will see a literal cliff face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you ask Big Ben "What time is it?"

Ben: I may be fat... But I'm not a fucking talking clock asshole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you scare a lego man?

They shit a brick.

What happens when you throw a green apple into the Red Sea?

It's getting wet!

What happens when you try to kick a volcano?

You Krakatoa

What happens when you eat 3.14 cakes

You get FAT.(if you aren't already)

Pfttttt. Did you expect a pi joke on my cake day?

What happens when you cross a rhinoceros with a dolphin?

You get horn-ee-ee-ee-ee

What happens when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog

What happens when you take a bath with a toaster?

The answer will shock you!

What happens when you die?

Lots of stuff! It just doesn't involve you.

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

What happens when you can't afford to pay an exorcist?

They repossess your house.

What happens when you mix acid and bass?

Dubstep

What happens when you double park your frogs?

They get toad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you overdose on viagra ?

you die HARD

Son "What happens when you die?"

Dad "Nothing. Death is the end. There is nothing beyond."

Son "No, I mean what happens when YOU die? Do I get your house and car?"

What happens when you abort an abortion?

Me

What happens when you drop a steak on the floor?

It becomes ground beef.

What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?

European!

You know what happens when you boil the funny bone?

You get a laughing stock.

What happens when you reverse the batteries in the energizer bunny?

It keeps coming and coming and coming!

What happens when you fail at No Nut November?

Nuttin'.

What happens when you don't cut corners in your business?

You end up with squares

What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine trouble

I just dropped my biro into a vat of acid. Do you know what happens when you drop a biro into a vat of acid?

Well, it de-pens.

What happens when you’re late to the cannibal meeting?

You get the cold shoulder

What happens when you put a bunch of cardboard boxes in your house during a full moon?

You make it a warehouse

What happens when you take the shell away from a snail?

It becomes sluggish

What happens when you put a drier sheet in the washing machine?

It becomes a wetter sheet.

(original joke. Can't find it anywhere)

What happens when you provoke an angry redhead?

Ginger snaps.

What happens when you give Eevee a French stone?

You get a Napoleon

What happens when you hit a Jewish guy?

Hebrewses

What happens when you put Nutella on Salmon?

You get salmonella
Sorry if it's a repost. My friends just told me it:)

You know what happens when you post a Legend of Zelda song on YouTube...

A copyright strike is imminintendo.

My young sister: What happens when you die?

Me: You go to heaven.

My young sister: No no. I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?

 

 

Btw, my sister is 28 years old.

What happens when you’re driving on a highway in California and the smoke clears?

UCLA

What happens when you eat too many Navy beans?

You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.

What happens when you attach stew to a blimp?

Soup rise!

What happens when you are hugging Dwayne Johnson and a pig?

You’re stuck between The Rock and a lard place.

What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What happens when you tape two peaches together?

They are pitted against each other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you mace a German?

They can Nazi.

What happens when you annoy a clock?

It gets ticked off.

What happens when you get a Communist to play "spin the bottle"?

Famine.

What happens when you let a panda eat some NH4+?

Pandamonium!

What happens when you cross a hyiena with a guitar?

You get a Yamaha ha ha ha ha

What happens when you put ducks in a cement mixer?

You get quacks in the pavement...

What happens when you drop a 14lb weight on 2 canaries?

You kill 2 birds with one stone.

What happens when you play Russian hardbass to a tree?

It becomes DIMItree.

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