UPJOKE

What Do You Call Someone Jokes

What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual. What do you call someone who speaks one language?

American

What do you call someone with both Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes

Ambidextrose

What do you call someone who gets turned on by every naked person they see ?

A showerhead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to trees?

A leaf blower.

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

***A faux pa.***

What do you call someone who helps you learn to fart?

A Tooter (my 9yo daughter made it up)

What do you call someone with no body and just a nose ?

Nobody knows

What do you call someone who take things literally

A kleptomaniac!

What do you call someone who only believes 12.5% of the Bible?

An eighteist.

What do you call someone who dyes their hair orange?

Transginger

What do you call someone with a doctorate in carbonated beverages?

A *fizz*ician

If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate and if someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. So what do you call someone who makes their fortune...

...selling fridges?

What do you call someone who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school?

A doctor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who can masteurbate to anything?

A "jack-off-all-trades"!

what do you call someone who films spices?

A cinnamon-tographer!

What do you call someone impersonating a crustacean?

A shrimposter.

What do you call someone who is desperate for some lovin' from somebody dressed as an animal?

Furrsty.

What do you call someone addicted to Pedicures?

A Clipped toe maniac

What do you call someone wearing a mismatched pair of socks?

A heterosoxual.

What do you call someone who likes to crack their knuckles a lot?

A crack addict

What do you call someone that saw an iPhone being stolen?

An iWitness.

What do you call someone who's on top of everything when it comes to news, technology, video games, nsfw, and everything else?

an Apex redditor

What do you call someone that doesn’t remember anybody’s name?

Hu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who steals viagra?

A hardened criminal.

What do you call someone who steals noodles from the rich and gives them to the poor?

Ramen Hood

What do you call someone who writes Death Metal music?

A Decomposer

What do you call someone trying to fake Italian heritage?

An impasta

What do you call someone who thinks they're right just because they make decisions?

An Ergomaniac.

What do you call someone who microwaves hot dogs?

Frank Zappa

What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket?

Independent

What do you call someone getting their biography tattooed on their back?

Their backstory

What do you call someone who sleeps around and talks alot?

Horchata

What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?

Google Doc

What do you call someone infectious on Insta?

An Influenza.

What do you call someone who’s never heard of Billy Mays?

An OxiMoron

What do you call someone who is scared of Santas?

Claustrophobic

An InCel is someone who is involuntarily celibate. What do you call someone who is voluntarily celibate?

Married.

What do you call someone who looks after hens?

A chicken tender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who worships testicles?

I don't know but it sounds sacriligious to me.

What do you call someone who invites themselves over, unannounced, and wants to work out with you?

A Jehovah Fitness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who questions everything and is full of shit?

A skeptic tank

What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?

Inbread.

If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?

A coworker

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?

Mr. President.

What do you call someone who takes care of baby monkeys?

A bananny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who is really good at giving blowjobs?

The head master.

What do you call someone who is too afraid of calling themselves left or right wing?

A chicken wing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who hoards old English coins?

A guinea pig

What do you call someone who's representing a bike shop?

A spokesperson.

What do you call someone who likes both Shrek and Fiona?

Bishreksual

(Courtesy of my 13yo son)

What do you call someone that got rich playing pool?

A billiardnaire.

What do you call someone who hates brown rice?

Ricist.

What do you call someone who gropes a dinosaur?

A rex offender

What do you call someone who attends both catholic and protestant church services?

They're bisectual

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who thinks that sex often lasts too long?

An inmate.

What do you call someone who can’t make a good joke?

Somebody who can’t make a good joke

What do you call someone without enough personality to be an accountant?

An auditor

What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands?

PolyJAMorous!

What do you call someone who refuses to "open up and say ah?"

Noah.

What do you call someone with no legs doing Karate?

Partial Arts.

What do you call someone who jumped off a pyramid?

In denial

What do you call someone who jumped off the Eiffel Tower?

Inseine

What do you call someone who sets up teepees for a living?

A cone tent creator

What do you call someone who isn't trans and likes to roll around while drinking lots of water?

A cis-turn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who runs like Naruto ninja?

A virgin.

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender!

Came up with this while putting chicken tenders out at my old job. lol

What do you call someone who is always naysaying?

A horse.

What do you call someone who exclusively paints pictures of WWF's Mankind?

A Foley artist.

What do you call someone who overpays for caulk?

A caulk sucker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone with a fetish for underwater projectiles?

A torpedophile!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone’s belly button when you shoot a load into it?

A kiddie pool

What do you call someone who has nothing and wants to share it with everyone?

A communist

What do you call someone who doesn't wear a mask?

You don't call them. You stay 6 damn feet away from them.

What do you call someone who buys up the garden store's entire stock of shrubbery?

A hedgehog!

What do you call someone who makes sound effects when they urinate?

An onomato-pee-a

They call someone who wears boxer shorts a boxer, they call someone who wears swim shorts a swimmer, but what do you call someone who doesn't wear any shorts at all?

A swinger.

What do you call someone who can sing but not talk?

A mutesician.

What do you call someone who rips up books?

A tear-orist.

My 9 1/2 year-old son came up with this one: What do you call someone you can't stand because all they do is annoy you with question after question?

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped...

What do you call someone bad at spelling?

A muggle.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What do you call someone who's been stabbed 3 times?

An ambulance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who refuses to drink anything other than alkaline water?

A basic bitch.

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

What do you call someone who spoils tv shows?

A serial killer

What do you call someone who isn't sure if the Easter Bunny is real?

An Eggnostic.

What do you call someone who got fired from the East German secret police for substance abuse ?

An Ex-Stasi

What do you call someone who develops cutlery

A cutting edge technologist *cue groans*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who starts their own cow poop business?

An entre-manure

[Dumb] What do you call someone who cuts pizza with a machete?

Chasin Fourcheese

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone with chronic masterbation.

Handsome

What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who lights people's butts on fire?

An arsenist!

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

What do you call someone who is crazy about protecting the planet?

Enviro Mental.

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