UPJOKE

What Did The Doctor Say Jokes

What did the doctor say to to the female to male trans guy.

You have an iron deficiency.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the doctor say when I refused to eat more fiber?

"Well, that's tough shit."

What did the doctor say to the patient suffering from a bacterial infection?

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

What did the doctor say to the woman with seven tumors?

Tumor would benign

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's morphine time!

What did the doctor say to Jesus?

You need to get more iron in your body.

What did the doctor say to his patient before they walked out into the rain?

You better put your hydrocodone.

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What did the doctor say to the astrologer when the rectal thermometer broke?

"I'm sorry to inform you that Mercury is rising in Uranus."

What did the doctor say to the ghost?

You’re not getting enough exorcise

What did the doctor say to the judge?

"You're trying my patients!"

What did the doctor say to the sad blood donor?











Be positive.



What did the doctor say when their patient wouldn’t let them finish the surgery?

“Suture self”

What did the doctor say about the tall person who was in a rush to see him?

"I just wish he was a little patient."

what did the doctor say to the gluten-free patient?

"im putting you on bread rest"

What did the doctor say after Kim Jong Un died ?

Kim Jong Un-responsive

What did the doctor say to the paraplegic when he tried to walk?

“Brace yourself”

What did the doctor say to his colleague who did his work for him?

You're really testing my patients!

What did the doctor say to the guy who couldn't seem to stop drinking his own pee?

Urine addict

What did the doctor say to the obese octopus?

You need to go on a low-crab diet.

What did the doctor say to the man with a serious urinary tract infection?

Urine trouble

What did the doctor say to the Ent with a bad back?

You need lumbar support.

What did the doctor say about the sick chemist?

"If I can't helium or I can't curium, then you will have to barium."

What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza?

It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno!

What did the doctor say to the injured gingerbread man?

Why don't you try icing it

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What did the doctor say to the patient with kidney stones?

Urine trouble but it'll pass.

Lady asks her husband, "What did the doctor say about your impotence?"

"Well," he says, "I couldn't bring it up."

What did the doctor say to the cancer patient?

You have tumor months to live.

What did the doctor say to the man that came in with a nervous tick

Weird flex but okay

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A man complains to his wife his dick is numb and he’s freaking out…

[Dumb joke I just thought up.]

So he says “wrap your hand around my dick and I’ll see if I can feel it.”

She does so and he shakes his head. She tells him “honey, go to the doctor!”

The next day he thinks up another idea and asks her, “maybe if you put your mouth on my dick I ca...

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill deaf patient?

"Now, this may be difficult to hear..."

What did the doctor say about the organ donor which died from a clotted artery?

"at least his death wasn't in vein"

What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public?

"Get a womb, you two."

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The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert when they stop to take a break.

The Lone Ranger has to take a wiz, so he whips it out and starts pissing on a cactus. Suddenly, a rattlesnake jumps out and bites him on the dick. The Lone Ranger yells to Tonto, Hurry! Go to that nearby town, find the doctor, and tell him I have been bit by a rattler!

Tonto gallops to the...

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An illiterate man returns from hospital to his village.

The pills that the doctor gave him was too big to swallow so he asks people how to take it. No one knows so he calls his doctor

"Sir, the pills that you gave me are too big how do I take them?" Then he hangs up the phone and asks the people again

"He said these are suppositories and ha...

A man goes to the doctor with a litany of complaints...

After a thorough examination, the doctor comes out to speak to his wife. "There's nothing too serious with your husband, he just needs to reduce his stress. Just don't complain to him, make him some nice meals, give him massages, and make love to him daily and he will be fine". The wife returns to h...

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A husband and wife..

Are at the doctor's together while the husband is getting some tests done. When the results are in, they are both sat before the doctor who asks the husband to leave while he speaks to his wife.

"Madame, your husband has a very rare condition that will ultimately result in his death. However,...

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Dr. Exam

Mrs. Murphy went to the doctor. When her husband came home, instead of being in the kitchen cooking his dinner, he found her naked in their bedroom admiring herself in a mirror.

"What did the doctor say?"

"He told me I have amazing breasts."

"And what did he say about your big...

Samples for the doctor

An elderly man went to see the doctor, accompanied by his wife, as he was somewhat deaf.

Doctor: I'm going to need a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample. Please pass them to the nurse when done.

Husband: What did the doctor say?

Wife: Give your underwear to the nurse...

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