Walks Into A Library Jokes

The librarian says "That rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's there or not".

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi... read more

So the librarian gives the chicken a book. The chicken walks outside with the book and comes back 5 minutes later without the book.

"Buk, buk" says the chicken again, so the librarian gives it another book, it walks outside and returns with no book.

"Buk, buk" it says, and the same ... read more

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

He sees the most beautiful librarian behind the counter. He says "Will you go on a date with me? "

She replies "No. I'm fully booked"

And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"

"Hard back?"

"Yeah, with little heads"

An Irishman walks into a Library and asks loudly: "One Fish and Chips please."

The Librarian gives him a confused look and says "Sir, this is a Library."

The Irishman apologises, leans forward and whispers: *"One Fish and Chips please."*

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."

The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."

... read more

He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!

***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

He walks up to the librarian and says “Get me a scotch.”
The librarian says, “Sir this is a library, not a bar.”
“Oh I’m sorry.” the old man replies, and he leans in to whisper *Get me a scotch*

and says in a loud voice “can i please order a piece of battered fish, 2 potato cakes and minimum chips”

the librarian replies in a firm but quiet voice ‘Sir, you’re in a library’

the man whispers ‘Sorry, can i please order a piece of battered fish, 2 potato cakes and minimum chips”

A duck walks into a library and stands in front of an understandably puzzled librarian. It quacks once. In a moment of inspiration, the librarian decided that the bird wishes to borrow a book so she places an appropriate volume under one of its wings. The duck waddles out.
The next day the duck ... read more

...and she walks up to the counter and says, "book, booook, book book." So the librarian thinks briefly and comes back with Animal Farm. The hen wanders off with the book.

Next day the hen is back, it has the book with it, the librarian returns the book and the hen goes, "book, boooook, book... read more

A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.

She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"

The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

The blonde walks up to the librarian's desk and says loudly, "I'll have a coffee and a bagel".

Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, "This is a library!!".

The blonde replies with a whisper, "I would like a coffee and a bagel!".

So a chicken walks into a library and walks up to the librarian and goes 'bok, bok'.

Surprised, the librarian gives the chicken two books. The next day the chicken is back with a request for 'bok, bok, bok'. This carries on for several days and finally after 'bok, bok, bok, bok, bok' and 5 b... read more

Depressed man: do you have any books on suicide?

Library staff: yes it’s on the third shelf over there

Depressed man: walks to third shelf

Depressed man after a few minutes: I can’t seem to find any.

Library staff: yep it’s awful cause they never bring them back

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading bo... read more

A drunk guy stumbles into a library and makes his way to the reference desk. He steadies himself and tells the librarian “HEY I WANT A CHEESEBURGER, SOME FRIES AND A COKE!”

The librarian looks at him in disgust and says “Sir, this is a library”

The drunk replies “Oh I’m sorry” and whis... read more

"Book, book, book"

The librarian hands the chicken three books.
On the way out, the chicken runs into a frog.
The chicken shows the books to the frog and says:

"Book, book, book."

The frog replies:

"reddit, reddit, reddit"

A blonde walks into a library. She asks the librarian:

Can I get a chicken salad?

The librarian answers: sorry, this is a library

The blonde responds: Oh, right! (Whispering) Can I get a chicken salad?

Walks up to the librarian and says “book”, the librarian looks a little confused but gets a book and gives to the hen, who tucks it under her wing and then walks out.

The hen comes back in the next day, walks up to the librarian and goes “book book book” the librarian is amazed and hands over... read more

Walks to the clerk and says "barkeep get me 2 beers and a shot!" The clerk replies "sir this is a library" the drunk leans close and whispers "bartender get me 2 beers and a shot"

It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook... read more

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for the Encyclopedia of Loud Noises.

The librarian responds: "Absolutely! Which volume would you like?"

...goes up to the desk and says "Bok." The librarian hesitates for a bit, but hands the chicken a book. Looking satisfied, the chicken walks out.
The next day, the chicken comes back, returning the book. Then it says "Bok. Bok. Boook." The librarian is amazed how quickly the chicken read the boo... read more

He saunters up to the main desk and roars as loudly as he can at one of the librarians “CAN I GET A BURGER AND FRIES PLEASE MY DUDE!!!”. The librarian gives him a withering look and says “Excuse me, this is a library!”. Guy responds in a quiet whisper “my apologies, can I get a burger and fries plea... read more

...marches right up to the desk and proclaims loudly " I would like to order a burger and fries!" The librarian is shocked and states, "Ma'am, this is a library". "Ohh", replies the blond and then whispered " I would like to order a burger and fries".

He goes up to the librarian and says "bok", so the librarian gives him a book, which he takes away.

The next day the chicken returns to the library and, returning the previous book, says "bok bok". So the librarian gives him two books, and the chicken goes off on his merry way again.
... read more

and is greeted by the librarian behind the front desk.

He slaps a $10 bill on the desk and says to the librarian - "I'll have two budweisers please"

The librarian, taken aback, responds - "Sir, this is a library!"

The man quickly replies back - "Oh, sorry!"




*... read more

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

Walks up to the front counter, sees the attendant and says
'Hello there, I'll have a burger and a large fries please'
The attendant, politely responds
'I'm sorry love, but this is actually a library'
Mortified and red faced the blonde lady looks around and whispers back
'I'm so sor... read more

The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"

...and says, *"Book!"*. The librarian finds this odd, but gives the hen a book of their choice anyway, and the hen leaves.

The next day, the hen comes back and says, *"Bookbookbook!"*. The librarian, still dumbfounded, gives the hen three books and the hen leaves again.

The next day,... read more

The librarian says "Unfortunately no, we store our books on shelves like everyone else".

"Could I get a yellow chicken curry, a pad thai and two serves of steamed rice please?"

The librarian is a bit shocked, and in a whispered voice that none the less conveys her displeasure with the gent says, "Sir, you need to be quiet, this is a library, not a restaurant!!"

The guy loo... read more

Strolls up to the desk and requests 3 books. The librarian thinking nothing of a talking chicken obliges and the chicken goes on its way.

The next day the chicken returns and asks for 5 more books. Bemused, the librarian agrees and the chicken goes on it's way once more.

An hour later ... read more

Eventually she approaches the librarian with a book in her hands.

"Ah, learning all about fire I see", says the librarian, "very interesting".

"Well, no actually... " replies the blonde, "my boyfriend sent me out to get something, but this is the closest I could find".

"I'm su... read more

When she gets to the front desk she says, "I will have two cheese burgers and s large french fry."

The librarian looks and her and says, "ma'am, this is a library."

The blond looks around and sees all of the shelves full of books. She is very embarrassed, hangs up her phone, and leans ... read more

The librarian decides that the chicken wants a book so he gives the chicken a book and the chicken walks away. About ten minutes later the chicken comes back with the book, looking a bit agitated, saying, "Book book book." The librarian decides the chicken wants another book so he takes the old book... read more