UPJOKE

Type Of Jokes

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What type of elf is the rudest?

A go fuck yourself

What is the most dangerous type of canoes?

Volcanoes

What is the most popular type of tree in California?

Ash.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Buys His Wife A Special Type Of Dildo

A man was looking around a sex store searching for a special sex toy to buy his wife so that she won't screw around on him while he is away on a business trip for a few weeks.

After not finding anything special he asks the old man working the store.

The old man replies "Well there is...

There are two type of countries.

Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.

What is a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White vans.

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women

He said the ATM outside

What type of joke is the best joke?

A Communist joke, because everyone gets it.

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he?

A seasoned veteran.

(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.

Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.

I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...

What's Whitney Houstons's favourite type of co-ordination?

HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE

What is Donald Trumps favourite type of clothing

Russian Ties

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

What’s an Indian person’s favorite type of book?

Naan-fiction.

What is the one type of person that will never get angry?

A nomad.

What is the most selfish type of bomb?

A mine!

What is the most selfish bomb found on land?

>!A landmine!!<

What is the most selfish one for water?

>!Nestle!!<

what type of blood do ghosts donate?

plasma

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What type of bees produce milk?

Boobees.

What's the scariest type of algebra?

BOO-lean

What are the Scottish' favorite type of bread?

Gaelic Bread

What is Medusa's favorite type of cheese?

Gorgonzola

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom "
"OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit".
"She had t...

What type of books never get read?

I've a lot of books on procrastination. I didn't find the time to read them.

I've a lot of books on memory trouble. I don't know where they are.

I've a lot of books on anger management. They're all damaged.

I've a lot of books on DIY Furniture repairs. They serve as legs of tabl...

What type of flour do orphans use for baking?

Self-raising flour.

What type of eagle do you see at a beach?

A seagull.

Compliments of my 4-year-old

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What type of bee makes milk instead of honey?

Boobies!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the cheapest type of meat?

Deer testicles. They're under a buck.

What type of underwear does Lara Croft wear?

Fruit of the tomb

What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

Which type of loan does an introvert prefer?

A leave me alone.

What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite type of rock?

Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"


My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"


Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

Which type of birds always stick together ?

Velcrows

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

It’s my cake day humour me.

What type of liquid makes a waterbed the bounciest?

Spring water

Why do Women and Children evacuate first during any type of disaster

So men can think of solutions in silence

What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas?

A Lucy Fir

What type of underpants do lawyers wear?

Legal briefs.

What type of wine do traders drink?

ImPORT/ ExPORT

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..


-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

What type of music does Santa’s elves listen to while working?

Rap music.

What's every men favourite type of tea?

Tea Tea's

What's the best type of dog to bring to a library?

A hush puppy

What is a lemur's favorite type of make-up?

Madagascara

What is the dwarfs favorite type of cake?

Shortcake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Hitler's favorite type of food?

Not Seafood

Did you know there is a very rare type of milk?

I don't know the name of it but my Dad has been looking for it for years.

what's a Mexicans favourite type of joke?

Juan liners

What type of shoes do bananas wear.

Slippers

What type of beasts of burden do weird farmers keep?

Unorthodoxen.

What is a zombie's favorite type of weather?

A brainstorm.

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?

Iceberg lettuce.

What type of plant is most satisfying to own?

A succ-you-lent

What's a mumble rapper's favourite type of coffee?

Lawttee

What's the only type of pizza you can order in North Korea?

The Supreme Pizza

If a blue bird has blue babies and a red bird has red babies what type of bird has no babies?

A Swallow

What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?

A big mac

Knowledge is knowing that pineapples are not a type of apple

Wisdom is knowing not to put them on pizza.

What type of people won’t stop warning about the end of the world?

Flat earthers

(my 6yo) What type of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin Medicine

What's a civil engineer's favorite type of tea?

Structural integri-tea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the most popular type of porn for dogs?

Big Black Cockerspaniel

What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade

My wife was very much open to the idea of naming our child after a type of flower.

She wasn’t so happy when I suggested the type should be “self-raising”.

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toad.

What type of currency will Superman never accept?

Krypto-currency

What’s the most common type of owl?

The teat…

What type of milk do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk.

What type of bug hates Christmas?

A humbug

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

What type of fish leads its school?

a sardean

What type of money do you make when you donate to a sperm bank everyone day?

Passive incum

What type of key opens a banana?

A monkey.




Please help me

Which type of metal do you need to be careful of?

Stainless Steel. Because they are SUS.

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