Two Thumbs Jokes - 19 Hilarious Two Thumbs Jokes

What has two thumbs and 100k karma on their cake day?

Not me.

What's got two thumbs and a poor grasp of visual comedy?

This guy!

Who has two thumbs and is headed to the hospital?

Not me. Christ that tablesaw was sharp.

Who's got two thumbs and a knife injury?

Not this guy. It's more like 1.9 thumbs now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has two thumbs and just got fucked?

My weird, deformed hand

Who's got two thumbs and knows how to use scissors?

Not me, I can't apply to either of those anymore.

Guess who has two thumbs...

And a box of other miscellaneous body parts? This guy.

My proctologist gave me two thumbs up…

Which I did NOT appreciate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a ?

Bob Kelso

Who has two thumbs and isn't afraid of the Chinese Government? This guy.

Edit: 1 thumb

Who has two thumbs and wears a mask?

Disguise!

"Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?"

"Not this guy!"
-Thumb amputee victim

What's got two thumbs and can't figure out the difference between a string and an array?

[
0 => "T"
1 => "h"
2 => "i"
3 => "s"
4 => " "
5 => "g"
6 => "u"
7 => "y"
8 => "!"
]

What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

My proctologist was very happy with my prostate check results.

Two thumbs up.

I got my colonoscopy results

The doctor gave me two thumbs up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy starts his new job as a bartender...

Bar owner: 'Ok at 5pm factory workers from next door, who're all deaf/mute btw, fill this place up. It's simple tho. If they give you two thumbs up? They want whiskey. Two thumbs down? Beer. That's all you need to know.'

At 5 they come storming in with thumbs going up & down- whiskey bee...

New Reality Show: America's Next Top Proctologist.

You only advance to the next round if you get two thumbs up.

Three men die with a smile on their faces.

The Vicar (V) speaks with the widows (W*) of the deceased men during the service. He walks up to the first widow.

V: “What happened to your husband?”

W1: “Well we always dreamed of winning the lottery and we finally won after 15 years of playing. He suffered a heart attack but died ha...

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