UPJOKE

Touch It Jokes

You can pleasure your touchscreen if you know where to touch it.

>!ooh yes!<

>!mmm right there!<

>!that’s it!<

>!harder!<

>!Harder!<

>!oh!<

>!My!<

>!GOD!<

Touch it softly. Put two fingers inside.

Put three fingers if it is wide.

Rub up and down when it is wet.

That's how you wash a cup.

Can I touch it?

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

What is 1.60 m high, has 22 legs and feigns death if you touch it?

The Italy national football team.

Don't Touch It, Timmy!

The teacher was very impressed with Timmy's answer to her question so she told him to come up to the front of the class, close his eyes and hold out his hands for a surprise. "But first," she said, "You have to guess what it is."

"A toy?"

"No."

"A new pencil?"

"No," s...

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, everywhere I touch it hurts".

After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "sir, your finger's broken"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

Call me a racist if you want but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

So there was this guy who flew so close to the sun he was able to touch it in exactly one spot...

...after that, he was a real tangent.

Did you hear about the three old ladies who got flashed the other day?

One had a heart attack, another had a stroke, but the third was too offended to touch it.

I’m thinking of throwing my theremin away...

I don’t even touch it

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