UPJOKE

Tinder Profile Jokes

I matched with a tinder profile that had no pics.

We chatted a bit. Smart and funny so i asked for a date. She said yes!

I'm not expecting much, probably 400lbs. But she answered the door, this little strawberry blomde with a head full of curls and all the right curves in all the right places. We exchanged our real names and i asked what sh...

I just found my wife has a Tinder profile and I’m furious.

She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In her tinder profile she said she's 32 but also that she has the body of a 16 year old.

But when I asked if I could see a photo she said I need to wait till tomorrow as she is naked and doesn't want to go to the freezer in the basement when it's already so late.

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

What does a pervert donkey put in his Tinder profile?

I eat ass

My tinder profile says

that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I’m paid to travel.

My dates are always seem disappointed when they find out I’m a bus driver.

Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...

After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I’m Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can’t thpeak

I added pronouns to my tinder profile last night.

I'm now known as he/him/yes officer that's the one.

My date accused me of lying on my Tinder profile, but what I wrote was absolutely true.

I DO have the body of an Olympic athlete. It's buried in the backyard.

Why is there an unlit cigarette on my tinder profile?

I have no matches

I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary.

I was afraid I might get ghosted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Tinder profile says I'm into coprophilia

Girls eat that shit up

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the pedophile write on his Tinder profile?

Netflix and Chilldren

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

I am proud to say I give all the ladies repetitive strain injury.

Unfortunately it’s from swiping left on my tinder profile.

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

My best friend got a gf recently.

When he first told me, he mentioned that she had nice “assets”, and gave me a knowing look. Then he showed me her Tinder profile.

She’s a stockbroker.

Hey girl are you blocking a water source

Because... Dam.

My original joke on my tinder profile. Idk if this should be on r/dadjokes

I've come to the realization

that my tinder profile is so bad that even bots won't swipe right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got into a fight in a bar

Met some new people at the bar and tried to break the ice with some jokes.


Went well, till I went to the more offensive ones. Here's the joke I told:

*"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your laundry in."*

One guy goes crazy and h...

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