UPJOKE

Tinder Date Jokes

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

"There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

"What next?" he asks.

"I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him....

My tinder date said she was kinky

Turns out she has scoliosis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tinder Date Kink

He described his sexual proclivities as "nuts and bolts" so I thought vanilla and mundane, but when we met at the park he suddenly came on me and ran.

So I was meeting my hot Tinder date in the restaurant…

… as she was about to sit down at the table, I asked, “Shall I push your stool in?”

She answered, “Let’s first see how this date goes…”

Tinder dates....

If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food

I guess you could call it food for thot.

My tinder date called herself "AnalBabe86"

But all she did was complain my tie wasn't on straight and I held my fork funny.

Why is a sketchy Tinder date like a fire?

They both start with a match and end with a burning sensation

A woman from Ottawa drives all the way to Montreal for a tinder date.

They meet at a local French restaurant. Half-way through dinner her date stands up and prepares to leave. Huffily, the woman asks, “you’re leaving because I’m not French, aren’t you?”. Her date responds, “No, it’s because you’re from Ottawa, and I only eat local”

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic."

Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

What do a weatherman and Tinder date have in common?

They say to expect eight inches, but you only get four.

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

You know the difference between ComicCon and a Tinder date?

At ComicCon you meet & greet.
At a Tinder date you greet & meat.

Went out for drinks with my tinder date...

She ordered the angel shot with lime :(

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My Tinder date said, "Give me ten inches and make it hurt!"

So I fucked her twice and hit her with a brick.

My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.

I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.

An Elvis Presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.

However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date repli...

To Christians out there....

My tinder date said to me "I used to be Christian"...

I said to her, "Don't worry darling, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...

She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now that I'm Christine".

As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking

Are you my tinder date?

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Elon Musk: Tesla cars now have full self driving capabilities.

PornHub: "Tinder date comes in me in a Tesla on autopilot"

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One from my dad

This happened last night as I was heading out before a tinder date looking all magic Mike.


"Son, I'll bet you anything I know where you got your shoes."

I brought these new kicks last week from a store that just opened. He has no chance.
"Are you sure?" I said all excited.
...

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Death awaits

4 friends are hanging out at an abandon hospital. Their names are Eric, David, Stacy, and Mohammad. Eric is an outgoing guy who will often spend his weekends stunt driving. David just got out of basic training, Stacy is a professional swimmer, and Mohammad makes coffins for a living, and in his free...

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